


In Any Timeline

by MoscaTheAtheist



Category: Rogue One - Fandom, Star Wars, star wars: rogue one
Genre: AU, Alternate Timeline, F/M, Like imagine if Sense8 and Sliding Doors and Rogue One had a baby, M/M, Rogue One - Freeform, Rogue One AU, Slow Burn, Star Wars - Freeform, more of a universe alteration than a true alternate universe, this would be that baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoscaTheAtheist/pseuds/MoscaTheAtheist
Summary: Jyn always woke up before the light engulfed her. That was the only part she ever remembered clearly. Other than that, all she was left with were impressions. A vague feeling of resignation mixed with hope, the ghost of a hand pressed in hers, and a wish she knew she desperately wanted but couldn’t recall...In a galaxy where the Sith were cut down by Grand Master Skywalker decades ago, Jyn Erso has tried her best to ignore her nightly visions of her own death. But after twenty-two years, she decides to leave behind her comfortable life for the Jedha pilgrimage, hoping the ancient city will help her find peace. But the Force moves in mysterious ways, and Jyn and her companions find themselves facing a rising tide of darkness threatening the future of the galaxy, something they may not be able to stop, or survive.





	1. Chapter 1

Jyn always woke up before the light engulfed her. That was the only part she ever remembered clearly. Other than that, all she was left with were impressions. A vague feeling of resignation mixed with hope, the ghost of a hand pressed in hers, and a wish she knew she desperately wanted but couldn’t recall. 

She turned onto her side, greeting the slowly rising sun creeping into her room. She waited for her heart rate to slow, as it always did. The dream had been with her as long as she could remember, repeating and growing with intensity each year when the celebrations for the Jedi's victory over the Sith Lords grew closer and fading into the recesses of her mind once the date passed. The sunlight was rising faster now, dawn glinting off her kyber crystal hanging on the nightstand, her heart rate slowed. And with that glow, she rose and let the last remnant of her dream slip away. 

When she was younger she thought there was something wrong with her, even at the age of six she was able to figure out it wasn't normal to dream of dying in a burst of light. Then she thought it must mean something more than delusions brought on by an overactive imagination that loved the Jedi. She reached over and grabbed the crystal and put it around her neck, smiling with the remembrances of a child’s illusions of grandeur. Her mother taught her people outside the Jedi Order sometimes brushed up against the Force, and they had left it at that. Until now, that is. 

She stretched and looked around her room. It bore few of the marks of the twenty-some years she'd slept there. Minimalist and bare, with everything she needed and valued able to be carried in one trip from this room. The apartment she'd been living in before moving back home had been similar. The few friends she had who came over would comment she lived like a fugitive. She didn't doubt that if they could see the single compact backpack and the small, battered brown bag lying near the door, they'd declare her suspicions confirmed. Laying on top of the packs were the plainest clothes she owned, folded. Her mother must have come in during the night and done that. 

She placed a quick kiss on the crystal before getting up and heading over to the clothes. 

Outside her door, she could hear her mother and father’s murmurs from the kitchen, the clanking of the droid making breakfast, and, under it all, the hum of Coruscant outside. For a moment, blanketed by the sounds of home, she faltered and almost believed her friends when they told her she had lost her mind. But she steeled herself and put her clothes on. With everything set, it wouldn’t do to abandon a pilgrimage before she even began. 

________________________

Her father was the first to notice her when she walked into kitchen. He must have been waiting for her, she thought. Her mother scrolled through the morning news projected in front of her, the droid was cleaning the dishes, but her father's attention was all on her. 

“Ah, Stardust,” he said, pushing his mostly-untouched food a little ways from him. Her mother looked up and swiped the news feed shut in the middle of a headline about Senator Amidala pressing to continue some kind investigation or another. Her plate was mostly untouched as well. 

“You two didn’t have to wait for me,” Jyn said. She dropped her bag and plopped into the chair next to her mother. She began to eat and pretended not to see her parents exchange a glance they probably thought she wouldn't see. They followed her lead and began to eat, albeit at a slower pace than she. It didn't seem right for her last breakfast at home to be filled with an uncomfortable silence instead of the usual quiet work chatter. And yet, it seemed that was what she was getting. Even their clunky droid seemed to be trying to make the least amount of noise possible. 

After fifteen minutes, her parents were looking at her again. She had finished her breakfast, theirs were barely half-eaten.

She pushed her plate away and sighed.

"Alright, you have one last chance to try to talk me out of going to Jedha." She crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. 

Her mother huffed. "As if we had the faintest hope of keeping you from doing something you've set your heart on."

"You're too much like your mother like that," her father said. 

Jyn's mother gave him a soft slap on the hand, "Oh, please, she gets it from you."

He caught her hand before she could take it back and kept it in his. Her mother smiled at him, and for a moment Jyn felt like it was any other morning. Then her father cleared his throat and turned to her. 

"No, we've accepted you need to make the pilgrimage to Jedha, we believe you." She nodded, chest filling with dread as he continued, "But we're not preparing to let you go on your own."

She wanted to jump from her chair. Wanted to storm out of the apartment, bags in hand, and run down to her already-booked flight on the shuttle. A touch from her mother on her arm stopped her. She swallowed her protests and slumped in her chair. 

"Well, which one of you is taking months off to babysit me then?" She tried to keep her voice light and joke. She tried reminding herself the only reason she edged her way onto one of the few outbound flights from Coruscant during the Jedi celebration was because of her parents. Her father's work designing the new Senate headquarters, her mother's work with both the Jedi Order and the politicians, those were the factors that allowed her to weasel onto as nice as ship as she did for the low price she paid. But Jyn couldn't quite keep all the disappointment and bitterness out of her voice. 

“Neither of us.” 

Her head snapped up and she looked in her father's eyes. They were kind. Neither he or her mother understood why she needed to go to the holy city. She barely had anything more to go on other than a vaguely sad dream was urging her. But, glancing between her parents, she felt they both knew she needed to go without them, even if they didn't want her to leave. She tried to make peace with whomever her parents named. They had done so much for her, she felt she'd say yes to anyone they asked. 

“Who then?” 

She had a list running through her head, but nowhere on it was the name her father uttered. 

“We asked Captain Andor and his droid to accompany you,” her father said. 

Jyn spluttered and tried to cover it up with a cough. 

“Cas—Captain Andor?” one of her hands moved to her cheek, trying to hide the flush she knew would be there. She looked down and silently cursed. Usually she was so careful when his name came up, treating it like she would any vague acquaintance she'd met over the years at the Senate's seemingly endless galas.

“Will you allow him to accompany you?” her father said. “I find him a remarkably capable man, and your mother said you two get along well.”

She risked a glace over at her mother, who nodded her head slightly at her father and nodded her head. Her father had a slight smile to match. Jyn hoped only they knew about her attraction to the Captain and she hadn't been casually broadcasting her feelings to the galaxy every time she ran into Cassian. She didn't think any of her friends or coworkers had ever commented. 

“Wouldn’t his command miss him?” she asked, still trying to govern her thoughts back into order.

Her father shook his head. “He has a year’s worth of leave he’s been accumulating since he joined Senator Amidala's guard. I think he’s being forced to take the time off. Poor man, he didn’t seem to know what to do with himself when she told him she wouldn't take him back until he was rested enough to do his job.”

Her mother said, "But then I ran into him after he was leaving. And when I heard, I asked if he'd be willing to spend part of that leave accompanying you to Jedha, and he seemed to jump at the chance." There was something teasing and pleading in the way she said that. 

“But I went and asked if he’d be willing to do a favor for us and accompany you to Jedha, and he seemed to jump at the chance,” her mother said. There was something teasing and something pleading in the way she said it. 

“Did he?” And she wanted to kick herself for answering so quickly. Her father's smile faltered, seemingly interpreting her terseness as a refusal.

"He did indeed," he said. "And he can meet you at the terminal. That is, unless you’re still determined to go at this alone?”

She bit her lip and thoughtOn the one hand, she had been determined to travel across the galaxy alone, had been convinced she had to. On the other, her thoughts trailed off as one hand drifted unconsciously to the kyber crystal against her sternum. Sometimes she was certain she could feel it pulsing, guiding her actions, pulling her towards the best possible option. The same violent resistance she felt to having her parents or even one of her friends join her wasn't there when she considered her parents' offer. And not, she was fairly certain, because she always felt pulled towards Cassian Andor. He could be there, she thought. No, he should be there, next to her on Jedha. The final thought came to her, and she was as certain of it as she was that she had to go to the holy city at all. 

“Well,” she said with a slight clearing of her throat, “If it’ll make you both feel better, I suppose it wouldn’t make a big difference if he came with.” 

And with that, the tenseness hovering around the table broke, if only by a bit. Her parents talked more freely about things that weren't her pilgrimage, about the difficulties of getting a simple plumbing redesign passed in the Senate, about the gossip always floating about the Jedi, about nothing at all really. The droid fussed a bit around her, double checking her bags one last time. And in no time at all, she was giving her mother and father long, tight hugs before they left for work. 

And then she pulled the bags on, and with one last look around the apartment she had grown up in, she left for the terminal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this, the bastard child that comes from watching Rogue One twice the same week you watch Sliding Doors and Sense8. Got me thinking of what the galaxy would have been like if Anakin had gotten his punk ass in order and communicated with Padmé and the Empire never rose. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	2. Chapter 2

The port to leave Coruscant was over-packed with beings from across the galaxy, but that was to be expected. In the months leading up to the Jedi's Festival, the planet's population swelled to nearly breaking point. 

Usually, she didn't mind the temporary population boom. In fact, usually she loved it. She loved seeing the millions flood into her adopted home, all to celebrate the day freedom and the Jedi stopped the Sith threat in the galaxy. The cacophony of languages she heard grew louder during this time of year, the variety of life grew more diverse, and the street performers doubled their efforts to create the best performances of the year. This time of year always drew out all that was best in Coruscant. 

Usually, the days would be spent with friends roaming the streets, reveling in the collective joy and wonder. The nights were full of working with her parents at parties full of the rich and holy. While her father tried to persuade Senators and Jedi alike to back research into kyber crystals, she and her mother would be mediating between the two groups and their rich guests. Being a professional conversational middleman wasn't the most thrilling work, but her mother always impressed upon her the importance of it. Communication had stopped the collapse of the Republic once, after all. And when the conversation grew thin, there was always the dancing. 

But this year she couldn’t wait to leave. 

It took twenty minutes of pushing past families and the occasional lone traveler before she spotted Cassian’s droid, K-2SO. She'd never met the droid before, only seen him from afar on the rare occasions she saw Cassian outside the parties. With the swell and press of the crowd, she could barely make out his towering form, and she couldn’t spot his human. The ship must be nearby then, Jyn thought.

She kept her eyes on the droid, so focused that she didn’t pay much attention to the crowd in front of her. When the two monks she’d been following close behind stopped, she slammed into the back of the taller one. She stumbled backwards, almost in the path of another stream of beings oblivious to her presence, but not before the man's companion grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards them. 

“Careful there,” he said. “Wouldn’t want to get yourself hurt when your journey is just starting.”

Jyn was stunned for a moment, but not because she had nearly been trampled. Her mind had clouded over for a moment and she thought she remembered the feel of this hand. Gripping hers as strongly as it was now, but only because its owner knew she needed the comfort. 

Then his hand was out of hers, and the second of recognition was one. So fleeting that she thought she may have imagined it. 

“Oh, thank you—” she trailed off as she noticed his clouded, bright blue eyes. Her first thought was he must be a Jedi, but she didn’t see a lightsaber or any other indication of the Order on his being. Jyn knew there were other protectors of the Force and the Jedi way, but she couldn’t fathom what they’d be doing on Coruscant. 

“How did you do that?”

“The Force wouldn’t have such a beautiful being die before her pilgrimage began,” the monk said.

She couldn’t help but smile at the blind man and his infectious grin, "And how would you know what the Force wants?"

He let out a small laugh, "I am one with the Force.”

Before she could respond, his larger companion turned and faced her . He was smirking at her wonder, or perhaps his smile was for the man by his side.

“And the Force is with him,” the larger man finished for him. He put his hand on her shoulder, and that same feeling of a safe harbor came over her again. “Watch out for yourself on your journey. May the Force of Others be with you."

The two men melted back into the pressing crowd. And she wondered at their touch. As she continued to maneuver her way to where she thought her ship would be, she couldn’t help think again that she may be imagining the touches, the feelings, the whole reason for this journey. They could all be the lingering delusion of a child. 

But that nagging feeling that she wasn't making it up stopped those thoughts. Just as they had done since she first felt it. 

It had been during last year’s festival, during the stretch of time when her dream was most frequent and vivid. Nearly everyone of importance on planet was there. Jedi and Senators faking their smiles as mediators like she and her mother hovered nearby to soothe arguments before they arose. She was taking a break from the small talk of the rich and holy on one of the balconies. 

And through the rippled glass separating the party from the skies of Coruscant, she saw the famous Grand Master Skywalker. She'd met many Jedi, if only in passing, but someone like Skywalker was far out Jyn's family orbit and influence. Tailing him were his twin Padawans, Luke and Leia. Almost absentmindedly, she thought of the gossip that whirled around the trio. The rumors of how they shared one too many physical similarities with their Grand Master. The whispers of how unusual it was that even a legendary Grand Master like Skywalker had managed to convince the council to allow him two Padawans. And then, of course, there was the small well-known matter of how much their mother relied on their master.

Almost as if her thoughts had called her, the young woman turned her head and stared right at her. Warped through the glass, Leia’s eyes flickered down towards her kyber necklace. And in that moment, warped by the glass, a clouded look passed over the female Padawan’s face. Jyn had a sick feeling of uneasiness, like the whole of the universe was tilting and only she was standing straight and in place. Her hand flew to cover the necklace, afraid the girl would come over and demand to know why she was wearing a kyber crystal so casually. 

But then her master had said something, and the trio had walked away. The universe righted itself, and a hum that had been growing in intensity since Leia looked at her vanished. All that was left were the sounds of Coruscant below and the faint sounds of a subdued and formal gathering being enjoyed. She let the matter drop, assuming she simply had drank too much, and excused herself from the party. 

But later that night, in her sparse apartment, her dream had burned more intensely than ever before. The press of the other's hand felt so real, she even thought she had felt the being's body against hers. The light had been more intense, and she almost felt its heat. She woke up gasping. 

She hadn’t woken up violently from the dream since she was five year sold. And she hadn't been able to get that night out of her head. And so, over the course of the following year, she quit her position, sold her apartment, and made plans to travel to Jedha. 

A particularly violent shove from behind brought her thoughts fully back to the present, and she continued to press forward. She tried to fight down her rising temper as her foot was trampled over and over, and beings shoved past her with little regard for her presence. She tried to calm down before she punched her way over to her ship. It almost worked. But then someone grabbed her arm, and she whipped around to throw a punch.

It never landed. A strong and metal hand held her fist back. And standing before her, with his hands held up, was Captain Cassian Andor. 

He looked different than he normally did. He wore plain brown clothes, same as her, though his were much obviously more well-used. And his hair was more wild than she had ever seen it, laying haphazardly over his forehead. She’d only seen him at his most polished, receiving orders from his senator or standing with a throng of the admiring sons and daughters of Senators at a gala. He seemed more at ease like this, though. Perhaps, Jyn thought, she had never seen him as he normally was. 

The droid's hand gripped hers more tightly and she wondered if it would break hers. 

“Let her go, K! This is Miss Jyn Erso.” 

The robot held her arm back for a moment longer. She glanced up at the droid, marveling out the level of exasperation she could perceive on a face without a mouth. 

“Are you sure this is her, Cassian? You did say we’re accompanying a lady, not a street brawler, right?” 

She scowled and ripped her arm out of the droid’s grip. She rubbed her hand, trying to soothe away the pain from colliding with the metal. 

“Funny. And I thought Captain Andor had a battle droid, not a travelling comedian.” 

K-2 looked over at Cassian, who rubbed the bridge of his nose. She wondered if his droid caused many headaches or if it was just a by-product of her being around. She’d always felt that no matter how much she felt drawn to the captain, his feelings were more akin to kind indifference. 

“Yes, K-2, this is Miss Erso. Now could you please go to the ship to confirm that all in our party are here?”

The droid shrugged and muttered, "Fine. Though I'll have you know the probability of her hitting you again is high in this environment."

Cassian waved him away before Jyn could respond. If she didn’t have a growing feeling of dislike for the droid, she might have laughed at how exasperated he seemed. Growing up around the sleek droids of Coruscant, she almost marveled at a droid with such a developed personality, even if it already was grating. 

She shifted the pack on her back before turning back to Cassian. He stood still and straight, almost an island of stillness in the bustle of the port. She couldn’t think of anything to say. At least when they met at parties and social events, there was a script to follow. She didn’t have anything to say for the babysitter she was fairly sure had barely been aware of her existence before her mother had made her offer.

“Would you like me to carry your bags?” He said, breaking through her thoughts.

She started and bristled. She wasn't that helpless.

“No,” she said, her voice as neutral as she could make it. “No, I think I can at least carry my own bags.”

He nodded at that.

“Shall we head towards the ship then? K-2 and I have already claimed a cabin that should suit you.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence. The din of the crowd making their own quiet all the more apparent. It was only two or three minutes, but that was enough for her to go over her response twenty times over. He had probably just seen her fidgeting under her bag's weight and wanted to make it easier. They could have moved faster if he was carrying it, Jyn thought. He was a battled-tested soldier, and she hadn't done much strength training since she'd started working in the Senate. 

She kept thinking about it, all the way up until the pair arrived at the entrance to their ship. The dirty gray of its hull stood out amidst the gleaming transport ships bringing in tourists and revelers. The pilgrimage ship was large, bulky and unwieldly in comparison. It was built to move slowly so those aboard could reflect on their destination, and she assumed it had been built ugly to ensure no one focused on anything but getting off of it. Its passengers’ dull clothing seemed almost offensively bland in the face of the galaxy’s best being paraded in the hub. 

And standing at its entrance, talking to a guard, was Cassian, looking as beautiful as he ever did. She walked up the ramp to stand by his shoulder and reached out to touch his arm. He jumped slightly at the contact and turned his head towards her.

“Thank you,” she said. 

She risked glancing at his face, trying to keep her emotions from bubbling up to the surface. He seemed more confused than anything.

“For offering to carry my bag,” she continued hurriedly. “It was…nice of you to offer.”

His head tilted and his eyes narrowed slightly, like he was trying to analyze what she was saying and how best to respond. He seemed to go over a few responses, before settling on, "You're welcome."

A smile softened his features, and she noticed how close they were. Jyn became painfully aware that her hand was still on his arm, and she pulled away.

“But for future reference,” she added tersely. “I plan on doing most this trip myself. My parents paid you to travel with me, not carry my burden.”

And like that, the small smile was replaced by the more serious expression he often wore around her, and she wanted to kick herself again. 

They didn't exchange another word before they arrived at their cabin deep within the pilgrim's ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all. Were you aware that I can apparently only write between the hours of midnight and 3 a.m.? Well it's a fact that means sometimes my spelling/grammar is not so hot. 
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone who's commented on this fic, it's made my night. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote part of this when Space Mom, Carrie Fisher, passed away. I'm kind of a little raw over it, but I wanted to get this chapter up. So if it seems a bit...lower in quality, it's probably because I'm a bit low today. But I knew that if I didn't get it up today, I'd forget about it and this fic would probably shrivel up and die. If you have suggestions for improvements, please leave them in the comments and I'll take a look at them later.

Jyn tossed her bags on one of the lower bunks furthest from the entrance of their cabin. She'd never admit it, not when K-2So was preening with pride over his choice of accommodation, but she was grateful for their room. The pilgrim ships' rooms were first-come, first-serve. They all held six bunks embedded into the wall and theoretically had enough room to accommodate six beings with ease, but she had seen the inside of many others on their way here and knew many failed on that promise. The fact she'd be able to walk comfortably around the room without being on top of one of her roommates was a blessing. And there were two working refreshers to boot. 

“I suppose it’ll do,” she had said, cutting K-2SO off while he was bragging about the low probability of getting such a large cabin when they had arrived so late. It was unnecessary, and it earned her a disappointed look from Cassian, but it was worth it to see the droid deflate a bit. Her wrist still hurt from where he had stopped her punch. 

The droid let out a huff and walked over to stand by Cassian, "whispering" something about how they didn't really need the money and that her likelihood of dying without them was incredibly low. Cassian waved him away and placed his bag on the bottom bunk nearest the door. Could be because it's the best position for a bodyguard to sleep in, Jyn thought, or could be because it was the furthest he could get from her in the six-sided room. Could be either, could be both. 

They hadn't been in the cabin long before there was a knock at the door. Cassian tensed, whispered something to K-2SO, and stood to block the door before it hissed open. She was confused by the reaction. The ship wasn't crowded, not near the full-capacity it would be during the high season, but there still wasn't enough room for them to keep such a large cabin to themselves. 

In the hallway stood two men, one human, one Hapan. Jyn leaned forward and propped her head up with her fists and made a quick study of them. Their brown clothes fit a bit too well, were made of too high-quality material for them to blend in the way they should. 

"Why, hello there," the Hapan said. "But you wouldn't happen to have two spare bunks in here?"

His red-haired human companion was leaning against the doorframe in a way that was a bit too casual, and when he made eye contact with Jyn, he swiped his hair out of his face in a motion too well-practiced to be a natural tick. She'd seen the affectation before. She'd seen in in young men do that same move while testing the scope of their parents' money and power at the galas she moderated at. They'd lean a bit too close to the daughters of Senators, and much too close to the servers.

They tried to use it on Jyn quite a few times. Some of the young men simply wanted to get in good with the Erso name, others were simply baffled how someone without a fortune waiting for them could say no. It hadn't worked yet, though she'd like for them to try in a space where it wouldn't cost her parents their livelihoods if she smacked them for it. 

The human nudged his Hapan companion, and he raised an eyebrow when he saw Jyn. And she knew she'd probably get the opportunity once they came in. But other than the general unpleasant aura they projected, they seemed relatively harmless to Jyn. They wouldn't have gotten a chance with her if she'd been on her own, and she had no doubt they'd have an even harder time with Cassian around. 

But Cassian, apparently, was not even willing to let them in the door. 

She had stood up, planning to move to the bunk above her bodyguard to minimize. She made it all of one step with her bag before K-2SO pushed her back onto the bed and stood and blocked her from the men's line of sight. She had no idea what had happened in the less than two seconds she had looked away, but it was enough for Cassian's voice to lower an octave and sound disproportionately tense for the situation. 

"We have no room."

Jyn peaked from behind the droid and found the men smirking at Cassian. The human gestured around to the four empty bunks, before letting his gaze settle back on Jyn.

"Oh, my friend. It doesn't good to be so stingy on a pilgrimage," he said. Jyn grimaced at his mocking tone. He must of done something incredibly bad for his parents to force him out on this journey, she thought.

Cassian drew himself to full height and took a step towards the door. The two men took a step back. He wasn't a particularly tall or large man, but he could carry himself with all the force of a giant when he wanted to. It was what made him such a great captain of Amidala's forces. 

“The rest of our cabin is out for a walk before we take off.” 

"Now come on, you--" 

Cassian pressed the button to close the door and cut the human off. With a final glare he moved back to his bunk and started to unpack his bag. K-2SO took that as his cue to stop caring about her, and went back to stand by Cassian's bed, presumably because it was the furthest he could go away from her. They were silent for a moment, and the only sounds were the grown of the droid's joints and the quiet thuds of Cassian placing his spare boots, clothes, and whatever else he brought into the cubbyhole at the back of his bunk. She sat still on her bunk, twirling her bag's straps in her hands and thinking. 

The two men, for all their bravado, wouldn't have been a match for her, let alone her and a highly-skilled bodyguard and a fully-functioning battle droid. 

“You didn’t have to turn them away,” she said, keeping her eyes trained on her bag's strap. 

She could hear Cassian pause, and the rustling of the bed as he stood up. 

“I wouldn’t be doing my job if I hadn’t,” he said in that neutral, no-nonsense voice he would use when he found something particularly obvious. Her head snapped up and she met his eyes. His face betrayed nothing.

K-2 nodded and looked over at her.

“Would you like to know the probability of them attacking you if they were in here? It’d be very high, and it’d be very annoying to deal with,” the droid said. 

“They weren’t a threat that I wouldn’t be able to handle,” she said, trying to match his tone. "They weren't a threat you wouldn't be able to handle."

She got nothing in response other than one of his cheek muscles twitching and a scoff. He began to turn away, so she stood up and walked over to him. He wasn't terribly taller than her, but she still had to look up further than she'd like to look him in the eyes. It wasn't a fact she was comfortable with. Just as she wasn't comfortable with the way her foolish heart beat a bit faster standing this close to him or the way he had tensed up when she stopped in front of him. 

“I know I’m no soldier, but I know how to handle myself,” she said. Her hands balled into fists by her side. 

He folded his arms in response and looked at her with all the skepticism in his being. 

“They weren’t the sorts that should be around you. Your parents hired me—”

“My parents hired you to protect me from smugglers and pirates, not some oily and spoiled men who think I’m pretty. Or are you some old chaperone as well?" 

His cheeks flushed.

"You don't...It's not...I have a job and I will do it!"

He stepped around her and headed towards the refresher. The droid moved, and Jyn was fairly certain he made some quip about the probability of the two men finding her attractive. 

Jyn stalked back over to her bunk and started aggressively sorting her things into her cubby. When Cassian came back out, she could feel his eyes on her.

"Miss Erso..."

She just reshuffled the order her two pairs of clothes would lay in and patently ignored him.

Another knock was at the door. She didn't take her eyes off her cubby, but she figured Cassian was likely standing fully and annoyingly in the way of the door. The door hissed open again, and her bodyguard let out a strange little gasp. 

She turned her head, expecting to see an actual emperor or some other kind of royalty out the door. She was surprised to see it was just a man, a sort of scraggly and worn down one at that. His clothes definitely hadn't seen the wash in a few months, and he looked like a whole day spent in a refresher wouldn't be enough freshen him up. After seeing his rebuke of a couple well-bred jerks, she wondered at his restraint. She would have figured Cassian would have slammed the door shut the moment he saw the stranger. 

The man shifted his balance, offering a hesitant hand to Cassian while keeping the other on his pack's straps. 

"Hi. I-I'm Bohdi, Bohdi Rook," he said. "Would you happen to have a spare bed?"

Cassian stood still for a moment, ignoring the hand. Then he stepped aside, and she was all the more surprised at the soft smile on his face. 

“You’ve got the pick of the place, barring mine and hers,” he said with a slight motion towards her.

At the sound of Cassian's voice, Bohdi's widened. The man tread lightly into the cabin, and she made her way over to Cassian's bunk. 

"So," said in a low voice. "What makes him so special?"

He looked up at her from where he sitting and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't know, just like his face," he said. She waited to see if there was more to the explanation, but Cassian leaned back in his pod and said nothing. 

Bohdi tread lightly around the room, scoping out the other free beds. He kept hovering over the bunk above hers, seemingly afraid to make a move towards it. Jyn sighed and pulled away from Cassian's bed.

"You can go up there, I won't mind," she said. 

Bohdi turned to face her, his eyes wide. One hand remained on his pack. He looked like he was about to run. 

"I promise," she said. She gave her best smile, the one that helped move even the most intractable Senators and Jedi to talk to each other, and held out her hand. 

He still looked at her suspiciously, but reached out and shook her hand. As soon as his fingertips touched hers, the world lurched, and she felt like she was falling. She wanted to lie down, draw her hands away, but she tightened her grip instead, almost like she was trying to get him to feel it to. 

And then, as suddenly as the feeling came, it was gone. Bohdi withdrew his hand and looked even more anxious than before. 

"Miss?" She heard as she came back to herself. "Are you--are you alright?" 

“Oh,” she said. "Yeah, I'm-I'm fine. It's just been a bit of an overwhelming day."

There was a hand on her shoulder and she jumped. She looked over and Cassian was hovering at her side, looking concerned. 

"Miss Erso?"

She shrugged his hand away. 

"No, seriously, I'm fine," she repeated. She shook her head and tried to bring her best smile back. "Like I said, it's just been a bit of a day."

Cassian narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything to follow that up. 

Bohdi was standing over by her bunk, looking at the bed in the wall above hers. He looked back at her.

"Are you sure it's alright if I throw this here, Miss Erso?"

"It's just Jyn," she said. She folded her arms and leaned back a bit. "And...yeah."

He threw his bag up onto the bed and tried to pull himself up. After the third try she couldn't hold back her laughter. It was a bit cruel, she knew, but it had been such an odd day.

Bohdi gave up and flopped to the floor. The anxiety he wore on his faded just a bit, she even thought she saw the hint of a smile. 

"Okay," he said a bit petulantly. "You try it then."

She raised an eyebrow and grinned. When she made it up to the top first try, she couldn't help laughing again at his groan. 

"Well, aren't you just the little show-off," he muttered.

She leaned forward and looked down at him. 

"Tell you what," she said. "Why don't we trade spaces?"

He looked at her with a grateful smile, no hint of embarrassment. She could have simply moved to the other free bottom bunk, but she was fast growing to like this scraggly stranger. As she was trading his pack for her clothes and bags, she looked over at Cassian. He was leaning up against K-2SO, looking for all the world like he wanted to throw Bohdi right out again. 

Well, she thought, tough. I'm going to need someone to talk to this month. She lied down on her stomach, letting her head rest on her arms and started talking to Bohdi. Nothing too personal, just the standard small talk she had made it her living to master. But it didn't take much to draw him out, she found. 

She could do without Cassian's glare and K-2's "whispers" over their compatibility though. If that stupid droid being friendly with a stranger made them a Force-made match without being able to sniff out where she'd like her compatibility to lie, he was short-circuiting. Come to think of it, that would go a long way to explaining his entirety.

Their conversation naturally died down, and Bohdi started setting up his cubby, and she started placing hers in her new bunk. When she finished she lied down on her stomach again and looked over at Cassian, who was doing something on a datapad. It had been a while since she got to see him in so casual a setting, most their interactions over the past year had been restricted to the occasional run-ins while he was on duty when she went to visit her mother at work. His fingers moved swiftly over the pad, and she wondered what it was he was typing. 

"That's Cassian Andor," her mother had told her in a half-distracted way. "He just joined Senator Amidala's guard."

She had just turned eighteen, and the lights of the gala seemed so dim and the long list of names she was expected to know and talk to seemed so overwhelming. And there was no more time to practice, no more time to train, she just had to know. 

Her beauty and youth was an asset in getting people to talk to her, her mother told her. The old Senators were more willing to listen to a pretty face, the Jedi more willing to listen to someone so young. And besides, her father added, she had such a way with people. Her parents' faith was appreciated, but it didn't do much to move her from her place by the drinks. 

And then she had seen Cassian, standing stiff-backed by the Senator, looking beautiful in the room's light. He wasn't too much older than she, but the confident way he carried himself made him seem like he was. She wasn't the only being following the young guard. Plenty of others richer, older, and more attractive than she saw him the way she did. But for a second she thought he saw her, and that his eyes widened, just a bit. 

And she couldn't handle someone like him on a night like that. So she shrunk from those eyes, throwing herself into the nearest conversation. It was dull, full of petty sniping between Senator Organa and Senator Krennic about a supposed zoning violation, and she had smoothed a ruffled feather or two. By the time she had finished, Senator Amidala had left, and so had Cassian. 

There was another knock at the door, and her thoughts came back to the present. Cassian was standing again, arms crossed and too tense for the situation. 

The door hissed open and she lifted herself up when she saw the two monks from the port at the door. Cassian was about to speak, but the taller of the two pushed his way past him and stepped into the bunk. The blind man followed close behind.

"Well, Chirrut, you were right again," he said. "It is indeed our friend from the market."

The blind man, Chirrut, smiled and held out his hand. His companion sighed and drew out a small pouch and tossed it to him. He opened the bag and popped a berry in his mouth with a smile. 

"And you doubted the Force," he teased.

"Not the Force, just your fool way of listening to it," his companion said with a shake of his head.

Cassian exchanged a look with K-2SO and moved to step in front of the pair. From Jyn's perch she thought they looked decidedly unimpressed. 

"I'm Captain Cassian Andor," Cassian said. "And you are?" 

The blind monk leaned forward on his staff and smiled. "Chirrut Îmwe, and my fine companion here is Baze Malbus." 

Cassian nodded at that, and for a second she thought he was going to boot them out of the room. She wasn't going to have that. 

She hopped down from her bunk and stood by his side. 

“It’s good to see you again," she said. Cassian looked surprised, like he didn't expect her to have actually known them. "I didn't get a chance to thank you for helping me out."

Chirrut waved her thanks away. Baze had picked up their bags and thrown them on the last free pair of beds. 

"I'm Jyn, by the way," she said.

Baze yelled over his shoulder, "Chirrut, do you want the top or bottom?"

“Bottom, as always," he replied back. Cassian pulled her back during the exchange.

"Are you-"

"I want them in here, Captain," she said. He frowned at the use of his title. Oh, no that couldn't do, Jyn thought, can't completely turn my bodyguard off our first day together. she tried to make her voice sound as light as it could to erase the crease between his eyes. "What can I say? I like their faces, don't you?"

He looked at where the pair and grouped by their bunks and narrowed his eyes again. He seemed to see what he was looking for then, and his eyes lit up and his lips curled into a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that no matter the events in her life, Jyn is simply hardwired to punch someone in the face. Also, given that Cassian was Always Stressed about her in canon timeline, I figured in a universe where he doesn't have that initial trust thing to get over that factor would be dialed up to like eleventy-hundred percent. I also think he'd be more of a bold presence if he hadn't spent his whole life being a spy for the rebellion, you know?
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are literally so kind in the comments. ♥ Every time I see the notification that I have a comment 3 years are added to my lifespan.

Not long after the ship took off Jyn told Cassian she was going to take the grand tour of the ship. She expected him to simply nod and turn back to his datapad now that he'd seen her safely aboard. But to her surprise, he followed her, K-2SO grumbling in tow. 

It was a pleasant walk for all that, she thought, even if there wasn't much to look at. The hallways' dull and dented walls were a bit nicer than the ship's hull, but not by much. Occasionally they'd pass a room whose inhabitants were working on adding a touch of color and life to their cabins, but that was the only break in the monotony. The common areas offered their own paltry attempts at life. The dining hall at least had a few holograms decorating the walls with a slideshow of various planets' scenery and one large and another large room was stocked with holochess boards and a wide space for exercise. 

The only room that could be called beautiful by any stretch was one long hallway that looked out onto the stars. The galaxy and its stars elevated the tattered couches and chairs, and the dim light from the wall lights running down the hall gave the space a warm glow absent from the rest of the ship. 

She plopped herself down on one of the couches when they passed through the hall on their way back from trying a few doors closed to all but the crew. She leaned back, sighing contentedly as she sunk into seats far comfier than she expected them to be. "Well," she said. "It's not much, is it?"

"We're not traveling on a Luxury 5000," K-2SO spouted. She didn't bother turning around to glare at him. She was beginning to wonder if he'd been programmed specifically to dislike and annoy her. 

“Why did you feel the need to come along again?” Jyn asked. 

She heard his metal joints creak as the droid shrugged. "I protect Cassian," he retorted. "Where he goes, I go."

"Well, there's not much to protect him from here, perhaps you should just head back to the bunk." She folded her arms in front of her and closed her eyes, enjoying the indignant stuttering from the droid. 

She definitely did not let the soft chuckle from Cassian disturb her feelings of victory, even though her heart sped a bit at the sound. She opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to look at the pair. 

"I think I'll be able to make it back to the cabin alright, K," Cassian said, hand thumping the droid on the back. "Just go make sure no one came and stole our beds at the cabin."

The droid's eyes flicked as he stalked off, mumbling something Cassian's and his blood pressure and his heart. Cassian looked after him fondly, "He means well, I promise."

Jyn scoffed, "Not to me."

Cassian frowned, but said nothing. He walked around and sat on the other side of the couch, bringing one leg up to rest on cushions as he reclined on the couch. Jyn had always thought there was no more beautiful sight than the captain in his finery at the galas, but seeing him so relaxed with his gaze soft as he looked out on the stars was causing her to reassess that belief. 

“He is…protective, you could say,” Cassian said after a moment.

Jyn cocked her head to the side, and gestured to the dimly lit hall. Currently, the space was populated by them and three other beings, all elderly. "Even here?"

He didn't turn to look at her, but she thought she could see his eyes dart towards her. "Especially here."

"Can't imagine what he's like when there's an actual threat around," she said raising an eyebrow. He didn't feel the need to elaborate though, and all she heard was the subdued noise in the hall. After living most of her life on Coruscant, it was strange to be in a space so quiet. The few beings around spoke in murmurs and whispers. Even the sounds of their steps seemed strangely muted. She fidgeted.

Cassian noticed her bouncing leg. "Something on your mind?" 

He had brought his other leg up the couch and was looking at her. Jyn blushed and willed her body to calm. She let herself sink further into the couch, "Just not used to the quiet."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she could see a small smile play on his lips. The dim lights lent him a warm glow and she was thankful he probably couldn't see her face clearly. It hit her then that if she were bolder, and if he wasn't literally being paid to spend time with her, her sitting near him in a space like this would be romantic.

She swallowed, "No, that's not...never mind."

He swung his legs to the ground and leaned forward, resting his chin on one hand. 

"If I promise not to laugh, will you speak your mind?" he asked. And if she had never heard how sincere he was towards everyone, she'd be tempted to mistake his concern for hiding a deeper regard for her than actually existed. She'd seen more beautiful men and women than she make that same mistake, only for Cassian to gently turn down their offers to accompany them back to their rooms. 

She knew it was genuine concern for her though, he was always genuine. So Jyn shook her head and swallowed her pride. 

"I was just...curious," she said. "Why you'd use up two months of your leave babysitting me across the galaxy. I know the money was probably good and all, but surely there were better things to do on Coruscant."

His eyes widened, “The money…” 

He seemed surprised. Though she couldn't fathom why. Did he assume she thought one of the most highly decorated and sought-after bodyguard was traveling with her out of the goodness of his own heart? 

Sure, they weren't strangers by any stretch of the imagination. She'd even go so far as classifying them something above casual acquaintances. She'd been to nearly ever fundraiser, gala, religious ceremony, and any other general gathering on Coruscant where Jedi and Senators were present since she'd joined her mother's profession at eighteen. He'd been at nearly every single one of those events, provided Senator Amidala had been on planet at the time. 

And at events where most were either her senior by ten or twenty-odd years, of course she and anyone close to her in age developed a certain kind of bond. Jyn could even admit that she'd spoken to Cassian more often than she necessarily should have over the three years they'd known each other. He was ridiculously charming, and he was kind to her. But for all that, he still called her Miss Erso, and she still called him Captain Andor.

"It's alright," she said quickly. "I just...it was surprising when my parents said you offered to come. I'd have figured you'd spend your time back home on Fest."

"You know my homeworld?" he asked. 

To his credit, he didn't immediately jump off the couch and run away. He had only said the name of his homeworld around her once, on a night he'd grown particularly close with her friend Jax, the only person at her work close to her in age. 

"I just wouldn't have figured you were the type to travel for Jedha on a whim," she said, almost breathlessly. 

"Aren't I?" he said quietly. "I suppose...it was a bit of whim, in a way."

He stood up and stretched, which she took as a sign he was done speaking to her. She couldn't blame him. Three years of being one of the best mediators on Coruscant and that was the conversation she came up with. 

"We should be getting back, Miss Erso. They'll be serving dinner soon," he said. He walked over to her and held out his hand. She stared at it for a moment. 

If she'd already messed up every conversation she had with the captain today, Jyn thought, she may as well push it a bit forward.

"Captain," and she made sure to look in his eyes. "You can call me Jyn. I wouldn't...I wouldn't mind." 

He was remarkably quiet when he spoke. "Oh. Well, you should call me Cassian then. I wouldn't mind that either."

She reached out and grabbed his hand, and a thrill ran through her body. And she thought of the few times their hands had touched before, those times when the night was fading and some old Senator would comment it had been a shame she hadn't danced that night. And sometimes Cassian would hear that, and sometimes he would be attending the event as a guest and not as security, and he'd ask her for that last dance. 

And for all her success in soothing egos and warding off pointless arguments, she'd never managed to say the right thing around him. He'd leave with a look of mild bemusement if she was lucky and she'd be standing there, her heart thudding against her chest.

She quickly let go after she stood up and he had that confused face she so often caused. The walk back to their room was easier though. Maybe it was because he'd given her his name, and she'd given him hers, but she had an easier time keeping up some semblance of mindless small talk. 

When the door to their bunk swished open, they saw Bohdi sitting on the floor while Baze sat on Chirrut's bunk. The sight of the large monk combing the man's hair could have been comical, Jyn thought, but something about the scene struck her as being more sweet. Chirrut sat next to his companion's side, hand casually resting on his thigh. The droid was, for lack of a better word, pouting next to Cassian's bed. 

They all looked up at them when they reentered. Bohdi flushed, but made no move to shift away from the monk's hands. Chirrut and Baze didn't move.

"How was your walk?" Chirrut asked. He handed a small hair tie to Baze, which the latter used to tie off the last stray strand of Bohdi’s hair. 

"It was fine," she said. Jyn couldn't help deflate at how quickly Cassian left her side to go to his droid, as ridiculous as that was. 

K-2SO looked up at her, eyes flickering. She glared over at him and repeated, "Just fine. We just wanted to come back and get ready for dinner."

Bohdi looked up at that, “Dinner already?”  
_______

When she had learned the ship leaving Curscant would be flying with only sixty-five percent of the bunks full, she hadn't felt anything other than a slight annoyance that the bunks would still cost so much. Now, entering the crowded dining hall, she was truly grateful. It took her group five minutes of searching to find a place they could comfortably sit together, and that was with the understanding that only one could get food at a time while the rest of the group provided a buffer around their seat. She shuddered to think what it was like during the high season. 

They were having less trouble than some of the groups she saw being crowded on benches. She figured that the looming battle droid behind them was finally proving to be an asset in this regard. 

Chirrut left first, then Baze. When Jyn came back with her food, she nodded at Cassian, who brushed up against her when he stood up. Bohdi swung his legs up onto the bench to save his seat. Jyn dug into her soup, only occasionally having to shove back against someone who felt she'd be an easy target to move from the seat. 

"You'd think they'd be a bit less pushy on a pilgrimage," she said after another jolt along the bench made her drop her spoon in her soup, splashing her food across the table. 

"It's always like this on the way to Jedha," Chirrut said. His and Baze's soup remained in their bowls, and for all she could tell no one was butting up against them. "It'll calm down in a day or two."

Bohdi grunted when someone slammed back into him. "I hope you're right," he muttered under his breath. 

Jyn agreed. She hoped it was only the nerves of staring a journey in such tight quarters, she wasn't looking to spending the next month eating her meal like this. She glared at the man sitting next to her, and it was enough to get him to scoot a bit away from her. She tried to focus on eating, despairing when another bump on the table caused a bit more of her soup to slop onto the table.

She managed a few more bites before Chirrut began to speak.

"So what takes you to Jedha?"

Jyn and Bohdi started at the question. 

“Isn’t that…taboo?” Bohdi asked, shoving back against the being on his side whose species name slipped her mind. 

Baze smiled from where he sat with Chirrut across from them, "Only if a Jedi hears you."

Bohdi still looked unsure, so Jyn answered in his stead.

“I…I have this…dream,” she said quietly. She was almost hoping that no one near her could hear, but the Chirrut reached across the table. She dropped her spoon and reached for his hands. When she returned his grip, there was no earth-shattering change in how she felt, no rush of feeling like the first time he'd touched her. That feeling never hit with the same person twice. Still, she felt comforted. "In it...I can't remember anything but this blinding killing light and I think...I feel someone else when I'm in the dream."

Bohdi was gaping, and in his distraction he was almost shoved off the bench. But Chirrut and Baze simply nodded, faces serious. 

"Do you have this dream often?" Chirrut asked.

She nodded. "It comes every year on Coruscant around this time. And I just felt...that it meant something. That's not...that's not a crazy reason for leaving, right?"

Baze shook his head, "No you were right to listen to the Force."

“So it is a Force Dream, then?” and the voice wasn’t hers, but Bohdi’s. The man next to her was looking intensely at the monks. 

“You have it too?” Jyn asked, her food was almost completely forgotten by this point. She leaned closer to Bohdi and he came closer to her. 

Bohdi nodded quickly, “But not with the light or the touches. It’s voices.”

And she wanted to press him for more information, but they were pushed apart. She glared up at the droid that pushed her and Bohdi apart to make way for Cassian. Her bodyguard glanced quickly at Bohdi and she wondered at the way his eyes narrowed. “You should go next, they look like they’re running low on dessert."

Her companion scrambled up and Cassian took his spot. Cassian shoved back hard against the being trying to take the spot. Like her glare earlier, one look from the captain caused the being to back off. And she thought she had a temper when people started getting pushy. 

Baze chuckled, and she raised an eyebrow. He simply shook his head and leaned over to whisper the joke to Chirrut, who laughed in return. Jyn turned to finish the soup, which had long since grown cold. 

“So,” Baze said to Cassian after a moment. “What’s drawing you to Jedha?”

“Jyn.”

She choked on her soup. She beat her chest with her fest as the coughs died down, and looked sharply at Cassian. He apparently didn’t see anything strange in his answer, and was apparently unconcerned with the growing smile on Chirrut's face. 

“Have you known each other long?” the monk asked.

“Three years,” Cassian replied. 

“Professionally,” she added, praying Cassian kept his focus on his food. “He’s…my bodyguard here.”

Chirrut didn't look particularly impressed with her answer. He nudged Baze and said, "And this here is mine as well."

"What's taking you both to Jedha," she asked, desperately hoping to get their focus off of her. Thankfully the dining hall had suddenly grown a bit louder, and she hoped it would be enough to keep them from hearing the edge in her voice. 

“A return trip,” Chirrut said. “We went to Curuscant to hear some advice, thought we’d take the long way home."

“What could two Guardians of the Whills need guidance from? I thought you were the ones who gave out the advice,” Cassian asked.

Baze shook his head. "Somethings are beyond us. The order sent us to Coruscant to hear from wiser souls than ours."

Cassian looked curious, but instead went back to eating. It wasn't too long afterwards that they heard shouting from down the hall. Jyn pushed her empty bowl away and stood on the bench to get a better look. She nearly launched herself over the table when she saw the two men Cassian had turned away from their bunk cornering and shouting at Bohdi. She was about to do to it too, but Cassian grabbed her by the waist and pulled her behind him and pushed her back to K-2SO. 

"Stay here," Cassian said. 

It took her a second to recover from the shock of being pulled away, but once she did, she pulled away to go after him. The droid put his hands on her shoulders, holding her in place. 

"Let me go, you glorified piece of scrap!"

K-2SO pressed down on her harder. "Cassian said for you to stay here," and she felt he was a bit too enthusiastic about that.

She squirmed in place for a moment longer before giving up. Thankfully her group wasn't gone long. They came back, Cassian in front, Baze's arm around Bohdi, and Chirrut tailing behind. The droid let her go and she ran over to Cassian.

"He bumped into our friends from earlier," he said. "They didn't appreciate their food on their nice clothes, apparently. Baze and Chirrut stopped it before it could grow ugly."

She looked around him at Bohdi, who gave her a small wave in return. She smiled and felt a rush of relief that the small man was alright. After checking on him, she turned her attention back to Cassian.

"Why did you push me back?" she demanded.

His eyes widened. "I am here to protect you, Jyn."

She folded her arms in front of her. "There wasn't any danger."

He mirrored her posture and looked at her coolly, "We didn't know that."

In a part of her mind that was logical, she knew he was doing his job. He was a bodyguard by profession, he was her bodyguard for the next month, it made sense he'd keep her far and away from any fight. He had no reason to know she was more than capable in a fight. Still, it irked her to be relegated to the sidelines when she could more than handle herself, and it hurt to have the reminder their relationship on this trip would be, above all else, professional. 

A service droid and one of the ship's crew members were making their way over to the group, a scowl on the human's face. Cassian took that as their cue to leave the hall. Jyn fell in step with Bohdi as they left.

"You didn't get food," she told him. 

Baze squeezed his shoulder again, and the smaller man gave a nervous grin. "Don't worry about it. Chirrut always brings food when we're traveling. You'll have a better dinner than us all."

When they got back to their bunk, Chirrut tossed Bohdi a bag full of food. Even though Jyn had eaten her mouth watered at the smell of recently-baked pastries inside. She hovered near his bunk and he took the hint, putting one of the donuts in her hand while he feasted on a butter pastry. The two monks came over and withdrew a few morsels from the bag, but Cassian held off at the other side of the room. Even when Bohdi explicitly offered him some, the captain shook his head and instead started tasking his droid with guarding the door that night. 

Compared to the scene in the dining hall, the rest of the night was fairly calm. The biggest conflict they had after they got in the room was whether or not Jyn should change inside the refresher when getting ready for bed. They decided on yes, but only because Cassian said so, Bohdi and K-2SO seconded it, and the other two had already gone into the other refresher. She grumbled at the thought she was going to be treated like a piece of fragile glass through the whole trip, but went inside the room nonetheless. Soon enough, everyone was ready for sleep, and the lights in the room lowered to a gentle glow. 

When she closed her eyes, the dream started. Except it was more than it had ever been, double the intensity it had been when she'd made eye contact with Leia. She felt the touch of his hand, and she knew it was a his now. And she felt his body up against hers, pulling her as close as he could. And the light seared her and blackened her lungs right before it wiped all that she was from existence. Those last few moments kept repeating and repeating, drilling the time of her death and the death of the man clinging to her deeper and deeper within her mind. 

Jyn woke up gasping. She wasn’t used to waking up in such a terror, even though she always knew she died during the dream. She turned her body to face out into the room on her bunk, letting her eyes adjust to the dim light and her breathing slow. And as her heartbeat slowed to a reasonable pace, she saw something that made it start thumping a bit faster again. 

Cassian was awake too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe donuts are literally a thing in the Star Wars universe, cause I sure as hell could not when I googled pastries in the Star Wars verse. And yet, there were a surprisingly large variety to choose from for Bohdi to share.
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to keep gushing over y'all leaving comments. You are all too kind and I love to see that you're all enjoying it. It really makes me want to keep coming back to the fic and is really keeping me on track to finish it.
> 
> The next chapter will probably not be up until the weekend, but it is coming, I pinky promise. 
> 
> <3

She hadn't slept much that night. Each time she shut her eyes, the heat from her dream burned through her and all she could see was Cassian sitting in his bunk, running a hand through his messy hair. When the lights of their cabin finally began to brighten hours later and everyone else in the room stirred, she as the first to shove her covers off and hop off her bed. She didn't mention she'd seen Cassian awake. 

After a few morning pleasantries and a good deal of acting more awake than she was, Jyn stood next to the door of her and Cassian's refresher, spare clothes and towl bunched up against her chest. By some unspoken agreement, Baze and Chirrut took primary ownership of the room's other refresher, and Bohdi had gravitated with them. 

Cassian didn't take long. When we came out of the small room, he immediately walked over to his droid in the center of the room. The droid perked up, his boredom with the tedium that was humanity's morning routine fading away as Cassian and he ran over some of the small disturbances K-2 detected during the night. She got a quick look at the dark circles under his eyes and how tense the captain stood. But he didn't seemed inclined to make a comment on his tiredness to anyone in the room. She wondered if that reticence meant he hadn't noticed her awake the night before, or if he just didn't care.

Slipping into the refresher, she hurriedly stripped her clothes and haphazardly folded them out of the way. She hadn't had much time to examine the room the night before, too annoyed at Cassian having her change separately and focused on finishing her other business to really care. Now, she made a quick study of the collection of knobs on the wall. She turned one and gasped as a stream of lukewarm water poured out over her. She marveled at the drips rolling down her bare arms. She hadn't thought a pilgrim ship, especially one in such poor general condition such as this, would have the stores and recycling capabilities to provide water when a sonic wash would suffice. 

She tried not to linger long, but that became a challenge after the water began heating up. After cleaning herself, she stood under the stream for another minute or so. Jyn closed her eyes, hoping to let some of the tension of her shoulders roll off into the drain below, but she greeted with visions of the light again and deep sense of longing in the pit of her stomach. She slammed the water off, toweled herself dry, and finished the rest of her business in the room. Throwing her hair in a quick bun, she walked back into the cabin. 

The men were all out, talking genially to one another about nothing of importance. They quieted down when she came in, but the smiles of the simple conversation lingered. It made no sense, it was just talk to fill the air that happened to die when she entered, but the quiet at her return left her feeling sour. 

She pushed the feeling away though. Jyn walked over to her bunk, threw her quasi-folded clothes to the bed and turned to the room at large. "Should we try to go eat?"

No one looked excited at facing the dining hall again. Bohdi especially looked nervous. But his stomach growled, letting them all know few pastries from the night before was not enough. So they gathered themselves together and moved down the ship to the dining hall. 

The room was as crowded as it was the night before, but it wasn't as frantic as the night before. They had an easier time finding a space that would fit them all, and Jyn noted with satisfaction she was only occasionally shoved by her bench-mate. Again, Baze and Chirrut were the first to get their food, followed by Jyn. Cassian went with Bohdi on his run, not willing to risk that the men from the night before was willing to let well enough alone and trusting they'd both have space to sit in this calmer crowd. K-2 followed close behind. She pushed the mush on her tray around as she watched them leave, one eye out for someone coming to harass them.

Baze and Chirrut settled into their breakfast, not sharing her concern. 

"Didn't I tell you?" Chirrut said, drawing her attention back to the table. "Always frantic at the start of the journey. By the end you'll have so much room you'll be able to lie down on the benches without bumping into anyone you don't want to." 

She took a few bites and tried to ignore the Twi'lek next to her jostling her every few minutes. She could only pray the time Chirrut was talking about came sooner than the very tail end of the journey. 

"Why does it get so bad at first?" she asked. She took a deep breath after a man further down from her jostled the table, causing a bit of her mush to slosh out of her bowl.

Baze shrugged. "You get a ship full of anxious beings, most of whom aren't used to travel like this. It's bound to happen." He took a few more bites of his food before continuing. "And then there's the added fact that it isn't the high season, and most here heading to Jedha are going because they feel they don't have any other choice."

Jyn took another bite, thinking that over. “And it isn’t…uncommon to feel compelled to go to Jedha?”

Baze grinned at her, not unkindly. "No, especially not for those traveling off-season. The Force has a way of calling who it needs to the holy city." He looked like he was about to ask her something else, but Chirrut placed his hand on his arm and squeezed, and Baze went back to eating his meal. Chirrut didn't remove his hand. She was grateful for that and turned her attention to the mush on her plate, which though bland, wasn't too unpleasant to eat.

It was another five minutes until Cassian and Bohdi were back. Her captain sat next to her, and Bohdi took a place at the far end of the group. K-2 stood at the end of the end of the table, and the Twi'lek stopped shoving her and her table stopped jostling, and again she had to begrudgingly admit there were some advantages to his presence. 

"Any trouble?" Chirrut asked. Bohdi fiddled with his spoon and shook his head, perhaps forgetting the monk could not see that response. It didn't matter though, Cassian answered differently. "Those men from before tried to block the line. They're upset over their clothes...and because I turned them away and not Bohdi."

Jyn glared in the general direction of the food line. She'd seen that kind of petty attitude at the parties she mediated at, preening young men spoiled into entitlement. She hadn't thought they'd be on a holy pilgrimage though. Cassian caught her look and frowned, presumably at the thought of the pair.

She ignored it and for a moment all they heard were the surrounding conversations. As she finished her bowl, she let her gaze drift to the holograms on the wall in front of her. One moment it was a verdant mountainside, she didn't know from which planet, the next a meadow from what she thought was Naboo. It wasn't until the screen shifted again to show a beach that she turned away and focused on her food. She'd never liked the seaside.

Bohdi jolted and dropped his spoon.

Cassian looked at him concerned. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, glanced at the already-changed hologram and shook his head. Already the scene had changed, but Jyn caught his look. She leaned forward to look at him around Cassian. "Do you feel it too, when you look at the beach?"

He looked surprised but relieved. "Yes." And his answer to her was the loudest and most confidently he had spoken to her yet. 

Cassian leaned backwards, giving them room to talk, though he didn't look happy about being forced away from his food. 

"Do you see it when you sleep?" she asked. She never had, but she'd felt the sand a few times when the dreams were particularly strong, and sometimes she could smell the salt water.

"No, but I hear it sometimes," Bohdi said. "The waves, that is."

Cassian looked confused, but the two monks looked on seriously. "Do you know what it all means?" she asked.

"Other than a message from the Force?" Baze shook his head. "But you were right to answer the call."

Cassian looked confused. Then he looked hard at Jyn, like she had kept something from him important. "What message?"

She squirmed in her seat, and wished she had some more of the bland mush to shovel in her mouth as an excuse not to talk. "It's a dream," she eventually said.

That only caused him to frown harder. And she hated that no matter what conversation they had she caused that expression. "It's more like...a vision. And I felt I should go to Jedha."

K-2 scoffed from down the table. "Are you suggesting that we're going halfway across the galaxy because she had a dream? Do I have to tell you how statistically unlikely it is for that to be relevant?"

"Be quiet, K," Cassian said. But Jyn panicked, because she knew that it was unlikely, she didn't need the droid telling her that. But she didn't want Cassian to think it. She had forgotten that she hadn't told him about the visions, how could he know? They were only a few steps above acquaintances, and he only knew she was the girl who'd dropped her coveted position for a pilgrimage that her parents wanted him to babysit her on. And she remembered the conversation from the night before, about going to Jedha on a whim, and she realized that she hadn't made it clear that it wasn't a whim to her. 

“It’s not just a dream!” Bohdi said before she could speak. Everyone stared at him, even Chirrut turned his head in his direction. Bohdi got quiet again, looking for all the galaxy like he wanted to melt into the ship. “It’s…It’s a vision, I think… I don’t…”

Jyn nodded, and put her hand on Cassian's arm. It was partly to turn him from Bohdi, partly to make sure he understood. It was important that he understood, she thought, though she didn't want to analyze why she felt that.

"It's the same," and his breathing slowed at her touch and his face was carefully blank. She withdrew her hand, suddenly too aware of the heat of his arm. "Every night it's the same. I see this light—no, that's not right. I feel this light, and it's too bright and too hot. And I die, but there's someone next to me, and they die too."

Cassian didn't say anything, didn't move. She was acutely aware everyone in the group was staring at her, but she was used to being the center of attention when things got uncomfortable, and pressed on. It was important he understood. Maybe he didn't have to understand in the way Baze and Chirrut and Bohdi did, but there had to be something. "It only comes once a year for a month or so, and it's always come. And last year was too much, and I couldn't...couldn't ignore it anymore."

She searched his eyes, and she thought he looked a little stunned. She turned back to her food, wondering if she'd been a bit too passionate there, if she should have approached him with the same measured response she would a Jedi. But he didn't press her for anything else. He simply turned towards Bohdi, and asked, "It's the same for you?"

Bohdi had made quick work of his mush and was scraping the last bits from the bottom. He dropped his spoon and blushed. "Not exactly," he murmured. And Cassian bent a little closer to him, causing him to blush and stutter. "It's more of a...I hear voices, but sometimes there's a light there too."

Cassian leaned away and looked puzzled. Baze leveled his gaze at the captain, and a shiver ran through her at the intensity of it all. She wondered what would have happened if Chirrut hadn't stood up, grabbed his staff and announced they were going to the recreation room. They didn't protest when the man ushered them out of the dining hall, and Jyn was glad the brief moment of tension was gone. For all she'd heard of cabin-mates becoming inseparable during the pilgrimage, she knew there were cases when the groups just didn't click. 

The recreation room was the mostly empty room with a few scattered holochess boards. It was a dull gray, like most of the ship. There were more people than had been there yesterday, but most of the ship's passengers were spending the day in the stargazing gallery or in the cabins. They all stood on the side of the room without the boards. Jyn felt the floor give a bit. Looking down, she saw it was made of foam, and she felt a small bubble of excitement in her chest. 

"Well, what have you brought us here for?" Cassian asked.

Chirrut leaned forward on his staff. "If you spend all day in silence in the room, you'll go mad before we get halfway to Jedha."

Baze huffed, "Meditation never caused anyone to go mad."

Chirrut waved his hand, "You can't prove that." He backed off his staff and swung it in one graceful arc above his head. "Besides I find it can never match the kind of mindfulness that comes from a good day of training."

K-2SO and Bohdi both tried to speak at the same time at that.

“I think I hardly need to physically train, Cassian—“

“I’m not really the kind of person who does—“

Jyn couldn't contain herself. "Then go play on the holochess boards," she said, not caring if she sounded rude. In her mind she saw her mother holding the hand of her nine-year-old self, a stern matron who in another life would have been a Jedi scowling down at her. She huffed and declared with a bit of trepidation that she supposed Jyn could learn to handle herself in a fight. And then that same woman and her mother, every day after until she turned eighteen, training her and pushing her further. She saw herself a little older, when the regular lessons stopped, beating a man who'd brought out a knife on her friend Jax and her while walking home one night. She was good at talking, normally. But she was always good at this. 

Luckily, the pair didn't seem too offended. K-2 made his way over to the nearest holochess board and turned it on, Bohdi following close behind. 

Chirrut and Baze had used the delay to warm up. Cassian was stood with his arms folded, studying their movements as they got in position. Jyn simply marveled at how synced the pair were. Beyond the casual touches on the arm, the thigh, a quick brush on the cheek that marked them as closer than mere companions, their every step seemed to cement the proof of the deep bond between them. Even as Baze walked around Chirrut, she could see the him follow his partner's movements, attuned to his every move. Baze made a move towards his companion, which he easily and quickly dodged.

Baze grabbed his staff, and Chirrut twisted it to throw him off balance. Another throw from Baze caught him off guard, but there was no damage done. One move after another, so fluid their movements were like water. Chirrut would step right, Baze would mimic, never leaving each other's side. And in this play fight she caught glimpses of what they'd be like at full power, and she felt pity for the enemy that came up against them when they were fighting as one. She couldn't tear her eyes away, and neither could Cassian. She wasn't sure how long the pair danced around each other like that, but when Baze finally just grabbed Chirrut by the waist and caused him to laugh, Bohdi and K-2 were deep into their game, each with pieces captured and others pushing ahead in battle. 

Baze let his hands hover around his companion, letting his fingers slide off his waist when Chirrut turned to face him. He wasn't out of breath, and neither was his partner. 

"So what can you two do?" He asked, leaning forward on his staff. And perhaps Cassian was still thinking over the monks' display, because he looked a bit stumped by the question. But Jyn took the cue, bent down, and swiped at Cassian's leg, taking him down. If she hadn't just watched Baze and Chirrut, she didn't think she'd be able to do that, wouldn't be in the right head space. But as it was, she stood up from her move, reveling briefly in catching her captain off-guard in that moment. He rolled away from his fall, springing up to look at her. 

He came at her quickly, throwing a punch that in a real fight would have left her with a broken rib, but here only pushed her off-balance. She caught his hand as she was falling, pulling her forward and pushing him down. He didn't follow through, instead twirling to grasp her again. 

“You’re rather good at this,” she said, grunting when he caught her arm.

“I'd hope so," he said, a grin on his face. She caught his arm as it headed to land another blow, and he grunted at the impact. "You're rather good too. Where did you learn?"

She spun away out his grasp, and aimed at his legs again. He was ready now, and stepped away. He caught her still-raised leg and pushed her over. She stumbled up from where she fell and turned at him before answering. "My mother."

It wasn't common knowledge Lyra had been an active soldier during the Clone Wars. Few on Coruscant knew about Lyra's past before she'd met her father, and those who did never felt the need to bring it up. She rushed at him again, and he let out a huff when she slammed into him, his arms coming around her to take him down with him. And in a real fight, she would never have let that happen. She'd have kicked him hard with the heel of her boot in the groin, leaving him sprawled on the floor while she got away as quick as she could. But here she let him wrap his arms around her waist, and then he let her hop back up so they could continue. Their fight didn't have the same kind of fluidity of Baze and Chirrut's, but it had a certain flow nonetheless. 

Again, she lost track of the time. But she was built for quick fights, hit and runs to keep her safe on the streets. She didn't have the stamina of the two monks, and she didn't have anywhere near that of a trained soldier. So after a while, when she was panting heavily and Cassian had her pulled close to his body, hands pinned behind her back, she excused herself. She thanked Baze and Chirrut, and tried not to think about the other activities some of those fight position would lend themselves well to, or what it said that the happiest she'd seen Cassian around her in the past two days was during a mock fight.

She plopped down on the empty chair by K-2SO and Bohdi, slightly out of breath still. Cassian was still with Baze and now Chirrut. The pair were showing him something, a move with their legs that looked like it could be rather damaging if applied to someone’s knees. Bohdi looked up at her and smiled, the droid ignored her and focused on his game. 

“He’s…a remarkable fighter,” Bohdi said. And Jyn raised an eyebrow at that, causing him to stutter a bit and quickly add, "And so are you!"

K-2 tapped the board in front of them. "His skills were enough to get him appointed to one of the most important Senators in the galaxy at the age of twenty-two," he said. "They are more than remarkable. Also it is your turn."

Bohdi let one more glance slip across the room, where Cassian had been laid out on his back by a swipe of Chirrut's staff. Poor man, she thought, feeling a stab of sympathetic pity when Bohdi made eye contact with her before turning to look at the board. One day in space of having Cassian quasi-rescuing him, protecting him, talking to him in that completely concerned way he had and he'd already fallen for him. She figured she was supposed to feel a kind of jealousy at the moment, but all she could feel was relief. 

“You too, huh?” she said with a grin. And with that, she felt much of the tension Bohdi held around her slip away. There was something so unifying in suffering. 

But then the droid's head swung up, and she froze at the thought he picked up what that sentence meant and that he'd tell Cassian. Bohdi tensed as well, though she didn't think Cassian would mind his burgeoning crush as he would learning that she'd wanted him for years. But the droid said nothing, just tapped gain on the board with a bit more intensity than before, "It is your turn."

And she and Bohdi breathed a sigh of relief. They spent much of the morning in the recreation room. Cassian spent his time with Baze and Chirrut, she spent hers talking to Bohdi and trading spaces with him to play against K-2. She had never been exceptionally good at holochess, but she could hold her own for a bit in the game. 

Sometime around lunch, or maybe it was a bit after, she didn't know, the trio came over to them. She didn't think it was to ask they go back to the dining hall, the mush they'd had that morning was meant to fuel them to dinner. But then, they had worked harder than she that morning, and by now all three had a slight sheen of sweat on them. She exchanged a quick look with Bohdi, who seemed to agree that it wasn't a bad look for their captain. 

"Jyn, Bohdi," Chirrut said. "I'd like to know if you'd be willing to go on a walk with me."

She was surprised, and looked back at Baze and Cassian. "Are they coming?"

Baze shook his head, "No, I will be going to meditate in the bunk." And he said this pointedly at his companion, and she took that to imply Chirrut was supposed to be meditating with him. 

"And you?" she asked Cassian.

Cassian bit his lip and then said, "No. I'll be going to the refresher and then I have to check out a few things. I hope you'll excuse me, but Chirrut said he'd take this watch."

She smiled, trying to reassure him in that look that she wasn't about to tattle to her parents that he'd left her in the guardianship of a practical stranger while he took a quick rinse. He returned her look and soon the party broke up. K-2 walked away with Baze and Cassian, and she prayed he was only complaining about their lack of skill in holochess to the captain. 

"So," Bohdi said after powering down the board. "Where would you like to go?"

Chirrut smiled wrly, "Oh, I feel like a bit of stargazing, don't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Bohdi in my mind is hella gay (but whose sexual orientation doesn't include Cassian Andor as portrayed by Diego Luna on it a little bit?). Space Dads™ are hella gay. In my mind, both Cassian and Jyn aren't straight. Star Wars is gay. All of it. 
> 
> On that note, I'm thinking of writing a fic where Jyn, Bohdi and Cassian are all in a relationship together, but it's still a bit too hazy for me to get around to right now. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, Monday morning is still technically the weekend, right? 
> 
> Here's the fabled Chapter 6, thank you to everyone who's read it so far, I hope you enjoy!

The stargazing gallery wasn't as crowded as Jyn thought it would be. Presumably the other passengers had spent their mornings marveling over the passing galaxy, only to filter back out into their cabins and the recreation room as the vast emptiness of space lost its power to awe as the day wore on. Still, while the crowd had thinned considerably, they still weren't able to find a couch where they could all sit comfortably. She shuddered again at the thought of what pilgrim ships were like when they were flying at full capacity as they made their way to one of the few free seats. 

"How many seats are there?" Chirrut asked. He still had his arm linked with hers. 

"It looks like two people could fit," she said. "We all could if we squeezed."

The trio of beings already on the couch, a Twi'lek and two humans, looked over at them when she said that and glared. The collective force of their gaze was enough to make her feel uncomfortable and to make Bohdi practically wilt. Chirrut merely chuckled.

"You two sit," he said. He held up a hand to stop Jyn's protests. "I told you I wanted to stargaze."

Jyn and Bohdi exchanged a confused glance, but both sat down nonetheless. Chirrut made his way over to the window, hand a little ways in front of him to keep him from running into the glass. When his fingertips touched it, he turned around and leaned against the barrier, his sightless gaze focused somewhere above them. Behind him were the pinpricks of a million billion stars against the black void of space. And that nothingness punctuated by light seemed the perfect frame for the man. 

They didn't say anything for a moment, still too new to each other's presence for conversations to start growing organically. Then Bohdi said, "So...can you—"

"See?" Chirrut said with a wry smile. Bohdi started his apologies, but he waved them away. "No, not a single thing, never have been. At least, not the way I think you do. But the Force guides me, and I can sense what the Force allows—other beings, feelings, stars, anything the Force is in."

He said it patiently, with a practiced delivery that told her that he'd given his explanation more times than he could count. He didn't seem annoyed though, so Jyn pressed him to learn more, "Stars?"

"The strongest stars have hearts of kyber, Jyn." He tapped his chest, and his smile grew wider. "You'd do well to remember that." Her hand flew up to where her kyber crystal lay on her chest, hidden by her baggy clothes. Bohdi glanced at her confusedly, but didn't comment. Instead he asked Chirrut, "So you can see out there?" 

"It's beautiful, isn't it? At least it is when you see through the Force." He took a deep breath, "But we're not here to talk about me, we'd run out of conversation in less than a minute if we did. I have more question about you two."

Jyn looked up at him sharply, and she knew what he'd be asking about. There had had two conversations of substance so far, after all. Bohdi tensed and she figured he had arrived at the same conclusion she had.

"I already told you everything about my dream," she said. And she was a little nervous, a little breathless when she spoke. She'd wanted to talk to him and Baze about her dreams since they had reassured her the day before that they'd been real and that it wasn't complete foolishness to follow them. "There's a light. I die. Someone's with me."

Chirrut shook his head, "No. You told me the outline of a dream. I wanted to ask if you would tell it to me in full. Both of you, if you're all right with telling me."

Bohdi wasn't talking, instead looking intensely out into the starry abyss in front of them. The dreams were newer for him than her, she thought. He was still too nervous about them for them to be commonplace and as widely shared as hers had been. They could also just be worse, she amended to herself. She turned from him, took a deep breath and concentrated on her own mind. The dream was longer than just her getting engulfed in light, she knew that. She was just so rarely called upon to remember anything else that the ending seared away her focus from any other part. The last time she walked through the whole thing, everything that she could remember, she'd been in her early teens and her mother had taken her to a Jedi friend of hers. Nothing had come of it.

But something about Chirrut was different than that cold and intimidating Jedi long ago who had dismissed her dream as the Force brushing up against a semi-sensitive consciousness. He believed her, and he'd only been around her for a day and a half if she was going by the ship's chronometer and only had a sliver of the facts. 

"I'm..." and she cleared her throat before continuing. "I don't have much of the dream. The light...it takes away a lot from me. I'm hurt, I think. But not as hurt as the person I'm with."

Jyn looked down at her hands and she gasped. Her vision waved slightly, and that universe-tilting feeling shifted slightly in her stomach. She'd never had that reaction before just talking about her dream. She pressed on while looking up at Chirrut. He was steady in her view, even if the stars behind him seemed to be shivering and the glass seemed like it was warping. 

"I'm hurt and he's hurt. But I don't really feel that, not really. It's...sort of a dull ache, but I can't focus on it," she paused as she tried to remember more. "It gets hard to walk because there's...sand under our feet. But I don't see it, it just gets harder to walk, the way trudging through sand will do. I—I don’t know why we’re walking, we just are. And then we get to the edge of the beach, I can feel the edge of the water. And there’s a light…It’s the only thing that’s coming towards me. But his—the other person’s—hand is on mind and then we’re…holding each other. And then the light comes—and it's so hot I can't breathe—and it kills me and I wake up.”

Chirrut folded his arms across his chest, "More."

Jyn frowned, "There is no more. I feel hurt, the man with me is hurt. There's sand and water and then there's a blinding light. I die. I've told you all there is, all there's been for over twenty years."

Chirrut just shook his head, "What are your emotions during this time?"

And Jyn had to stop to think about that. No one had really asked her what she thought during her dream. 

“I feel…sad," she paused and bit her lip before continuing. "No, that’s not right. I feel…resigned. And I feel hope. And I want something, but I don’t know what it is.”

He didn't say anything in response. "That's all," she said, "I promise."

"For now," Chirrut said, not unkindly. "But I believe that's what you have for now."

She let herself sink back into the couch, feeling strangely relieved at telling someone who believed her everything that happened in the dream. She looked over and noticed the trio next to them had left while she was talking. She supposed talking about dying in a burning ball of light may not be the most pleasant thing to listen to while on decades-out-of-date spaceship. She didn't scoot over though, she liked the feel of Bohdi next to her. It felt good to have something solid to ground herself after she thought too hard about the dream.

Chirrut turned his head roughly towards Bohdi. "And what about you?"

Bohdi pulled his gaze away from the stars and looked at Chirrut. He didn't seem as nervous anymore after hearing her dream.

Still, when he spoke his voice was quiet and shook a little. “It’s not…not quite as developed.”

Jyn put her hand on his right arm and squeezed. He gave her small smile and covered her hand with his left, and she was thankful whatever feeling of commonality they'd forged over holochess was still there. “It’s more like…I’m floating in space," he said. "Or some kind of void.”

“And I don’t see anything, I don’t feel or taste or smell anything. It’s just this void. And I keep hearing voices," Bohdi grew more confident as he spoke. "Not like...not the way that people usually do when they say they hear voices. They're not talking to me. Usually they're just muffled tones, I can't really make them out. But...sometimes they're crystal clear and I remember those."

"Have you known who they were your whole life?" Chirrut asked.

Bohdi shook his head. “I only started having the dream around a year ago, and then I didn’t know the people they belonged to until yesterday.”

Jyn's looked at him, but Bohdi kept his eyes forward, looking at Chirrut. "They...they were yours. And Baze’s. And Cassian’s. And even K-2’s…And…Jyn’s.”

That shook Jyn. She squeezed his arm tighter than before and he pushed back on her hand, both needing something to grab onto. There was something comforting about that, but her breathing was still a bit faster than normal at the thought that someone she'd never met heard her voice in his mind a year previously.

Chirrut sensed their distress and pushed himself off the glass and walked over to them. He sat down on the floor, and held out his hands. They let go of each other and took the offer. 

“Do you know what they mean?” Bohdi asked quietly. He didn't seem scared, Jyn thought, and she wasn't either. It was just...too much to think about. 

“No,” he said after a moment, and Jyn felt Bohdi sink into himself. “But I know they mean something powerful.”

They looked at each other, not knowing how to feel about that. Chirrut frowned and continued, "Baze and I were on Coruscant to ask guidance from the Jedi. The leaders on Jedha didn't have the answers we needed. But maybe..."

Jyn's heart sped up, "What?" She couldn't fathom why they were being called to Jedha if the Jedi there couldn't help two Guardians of the Whills. 

"The Jedi on Coruscant didn't know either. I don't know if any of the leaders know. But maybe," he said. "I think we were meant to meet, all of us. There's something dark coming. I've been feeling it for a while, and Baze longer than me. Other Guardians and some Jedi have told me the same thing. It's like...there's something tearing at the edges of the Force, trying to get into this reality."

Jyn shivered. “What is it?”

Chirrut let go of their hands and crossed them on his lap. “I don’t know. Baze doesn’t either. But I think…your dreams, the fact you both know people and experiences you’ve never meant, it is connected.”

Bohdi leaned forward again, and when he spoke there was an undercurrent of anger she wouldn't have expected from the man "What good is it to be connected if we don't know? And how do you know?"

But Chirrut merely smiled, "“You’re not the only one dreaming.”

And before she and Bohdi could ask him what that meant, he stood up and turned from them. "But that's for a bit later, I think," he said. "I sense our three companions are gone, would you care if I took their place?"

Jyn wanted to protest, wanted to force more out of him as the sour feeling of having information denied settled into her chest. But Bohdi just shook his head at her and said, "Of course you can."

Chirrut spread himself out over the couch, leaning his head against the other armrest and closing his eyes. "Now, I am going to get some meditation done while you two talk about how awful it is I won't tell you more. Baze'll have my head if I completely ignore this."

Jyn smiled at that. Even slightly frustrated at him, she couldn't help but like him. There was just something about him. “I thought you Guardians of the Whills folk were supposed to be devoted to the Force.”

Chirrut scoffed at that, “The Force is my lifeblood, Little Sister. I just think that sitting still and quietly to try to listen to it is ridiculous. If the Force wants me to listen, it will come to me."

"Baze doesn't seem to think so," Bohdi said. And he was smiling a bit at the reclining man as well.

Chirrut smiled, and Jyn didn't think she'd ever seen a look so soft in all her life. "Baze is...more than me. More devoted, more tuned into the Force, more…”

“Just more?” she said. 

He nodded and turned over on his side. "If someone tries to kidnap you, Jyn, scream. I'll pop right over and get you." She appreciated that it sounded like he put as much stock in the fears stemming from Cassian's overprotective nature as she did. 

Jyn and Bohdi were still pressed together, but she didn't quite mind. They sat together in companionable silence for a few moments, staring out over the galaxy. 

"Do you think...do you think he's right?" Bohdi said after a few minutes. She turned to him. "That we're fated to be here. That there's something...dark coming?"

She looked over at Chirrut, who looked for all the world like he was taking a nap rather than meditating and communing with the Force. 

"I think he is," she said. 

Bohdi ran his hand over his face. "I was just a cargo pilot, we don't get fated to do anything."

She couldn't hold back her laugh. It wasn't anything too funny, but it felt good to let out some of the tension that had been building since Chirrut took them for a walk. 

"Well, it looks like you are now in the ranks of the fated," she said with a bit more cheer than she felt. "Along with me and Chirrut and Baze. Good company, I think?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "And Cassian and K-2."

She blushed, and she wondered how she'd ever managed to keep her emotions in check when she met the captain at work. 

"Cassian..." she said, trying to find the words to explain his presence. "I’m afraid I just kind of dragged Cassian along for the ride.”

If she were being generous, she'd call Bohdi's look skeptical. “For what it’s worth," he said. "I don't think you have he's feeling all too forced right now to be here with you."

She didn't say anything to that. So Bohdi decided to take a different line of questioning, “How long have you known Cassian?”

“Three years,” Jyn said, a faint smile played on her lips. “We met…at a gala Senator Amidala was putting on, to raise awareness for a few of the Outer Rim planets and push to broaden the push against the slave trade.”

“Why were you at the Senate?”

“I am—I was a mediator between the Senate and Jedi Council. Which is a nice way to say I force—forced old men and women into playing nice like they’re toddlers." 

"Oh," Bohdi rested his head on his hands. "Three years. I can't imagine. He's...quite a force and I've only been around him for a day and a half. Were you as ridiculous as me when you met?" he nudged her side and she let out a small laugh.

“Oh, I was much worse. See, there was a time when we met, and there were the three other galas I saw him at before, not to mention the multiple times I ran into him around the Senate hallways," she let out a sad chuckle. "I can guarantee you he doesn't remember any of that, that goodness."

He snorted, "I definitely don't think you're giving him enough credit."

She pushed him gently, "You're just saying that 'cause you think he's pretty and has nice hair."

He shrugged, "Well, there is that. But…I don’t think you would have to drag him anywhere if you asked.”

She leaned forward to match his pose to look at him, elbow on knee, hand supporting her head. "You've known him for a day and a half, he's that way he is to everyone, all protective and kind. And it's unfair to everyone. Trust me, Cassian and I…we’re somewhere between acquaintances and distance friends as far as he’s concerned. My parents literally had to pay him to be here, probably spending more money than they should have."

Bohdi rolled his eyes, "I may not have known him long, but there's a difference between general protectiveness, and the way he looks at you."

And she didn't have anything to say to that. It made her stomach hurt just to think about. So she turned away and looked back out the window. She couldn't believe anyone could get sick of seeing the galaxy swim by.

Bohdi sighed. "Well, it won't matter if he's part of our fated crowd or if you did just drag him along, I guess. He gets to deal with a Force-clawing monster either way." She risked a glance over at him again, and was surprised that he looked actually nervous. 

"Why did you decide to go to Jedha?" she asked, trying to break that spiral of fear she saw coming over Bohdi. 

He fiddled with the drawstrings on his shirt. "I was just a cargo pilot, nothing fancy. Never had anything that made me want to break out of it, nothing to motivate me to leave. That was…until I saw this scientist talk on a screen one day when I was passing by. I heard him talk and I just…had to go.” He nervously giggled. “Silly, isn’t it?”

Jyn shook her head, and placed her hand back on his arm. They didn't look at each other, just stared out the window. “My job…was good. I could stay near my parents. I had friends in the office and around Coruscant. I could see Cassian whenever I worked. I was respected. I made eye contact with some Jedi I had never met before and after I woke up from my dream that night I quit that all for this, I don’t think it’s silly.”

They sat like that, a heave silence around them, and Jyn didn't quite know how to get them back to that earlier tone. She'd endure more of his teasing if it meant it were easier to breathe. But then, Chirrut let out a snore, and they both tried to stifle a laugh. They were unsuccessful. 

They were still giggling five minutes later when the rest of their cabin found them in the hall. By that point, they were just laughing at their inability to stop laughing. She pulled herself together as she heard the metal clanks of Cassian's droid nearby, and was able to completely stop when Cassian and Baze came up behind the droid. The captain was staring hard at her, and she blushed. She hadn't been that easy to read in front of him for years, and she blamed her sudden vulnerability on Bohdi, and his silly, unfounded thoughts. 

Baze had walked to the front of the couch and knealed in front of his partner. He softly brushed his cheek and fondly muttered, “This is why you’re not allowed to meditate on your own." Chirrut stirred and whispered something beyond her hearing. 

“You were gone a long time,” Cassian said by way of explanation. "We thought you might want something to tide you over until dinner."

K-2 let out a manufactured sigh, and she cursed the programmer who gave this droid a personality as he said, "Cassian said I had to tell you there was a sixty-seven percent probability you'll faint from lack of nutrition before dinner comes."

And if she didn't know better, she'd say the captain flushed. But it passed quickly, and she just nodded and he came over to her, and reached out a hand for her. His eyes flicked to Bohdi and how close they were. And she cursed Bohdi for making her hope there was anything more than a vague sense of curiosity in his gaze. She grasped his hand, willing her heartbeat into a semblance of calm, and he pulled her to her feet. After a moment's pause, he did the same to Bohdi. It took them a few more minutes to rouse Chirrut completely awake, but as soon as he was, they headed towards the dining hall as one. 

Cassian was walking by her, his droid bringing up the rear. And she and he were even talking normally, without her messing something up around him. Bohdi walked with the two guardians in front of her, turning around occasionally to smirk at her. She smiled and fought the urge to stick her tongue out at him. 

She didn't see Cassian's frown at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit more dialogue-happy than I usually would put in, but I decided to combine a couple conversations I was saving for later in the plot to get the ball rolling (I promise y'all are going to appreciate where it lands because of it). I also tried, like, super hard to make this chapter all about the ~magic Force dreams~ and not about the Pining, but I decided why not both in the end. Hope it's not too much.
> 
> Also? The passing of days is hard to write about when you're orbiting space. Just pretend there's an automatic lighting system synced up to some planet to mimic the days and whatnot. Just don't comment that there are no days in space, I know that. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, y'all. Your comments are too much and you are too sweet. I keep going back and reading them, y'all are too kind and it makes me blush.
> 
> Also, heads up. Jyn gets cornered by some douches in this chapter and it's super predatory. Nothing happens except they get their asses handed to them, but if you're sensitive to these kinds of situations, I just wanted to let you know.

The rest of the week followed in much the same way. Jyn and her cabin-mates would wake up, slowly meander to the dining hall for breakfast, and then make for the recreation room. After they'd eat lunch, and sometimes they all went to sit in the stargazing gallery, sometimes they'd split up and some would head back to their room. They'd come back for dinner, and only occasionally was their peace disturbed by other passengers, particularly by the Hapan and human Cassian had turned away their first day. But those brief exchanges were thankfully brief, and the pair never did anything more than leer in her direction and shoot a nasty comment towards her. Then, it was back to their nighttime routine. She'd climb into her bed, be seared awake by that awful light, and then she'd find a fitful sleep until the day repeated itself. 

But the seventh time she woke from her dream shattered the fragile new routine. Because the seventh time Jyn woke up, she realized she knew who was with her on the beach with her. She'd looked over at his bed, and Cassian was lying fast asleep facing the wall. 

For a moment she thought she might be imposing her will onto the dreams. How perfect for her that the man she'd been hopeless around for years turned out to be in her Force dream? But, she didn't entertain doubts for long. She'd been taking Baze's advice, which Chirrut had seconded over a breakfast bowl of mush. "Listen deeply," was what he said. "And focus when the Force shows what it will." Cassian bit his lip and looked away from her, gazing at the flicking holos on the wall, the way he always did when their conversation drifted to the topic. Bohdi was concerned about Cassian's discomfort, but she'd just whispered that mystic visions was above her parents' pay grade and he wasn't receiving enough credit to care. Bohdi didn't seem convinced, but let the matter drop. 

"Breathe deeply when you fall asleep," Baze had said sitting cross-legged in the middle of their bunk. Chirrut was lounging on his bunk, studiously avoiding the meditating part of their meditation session. Cassian had announced he was going to do his daily check of the ship earlier, and Bohdi had somehow managed to get her bodyguard to take him along with his droid. "Breath deeply and listen. You cannot make the Force tell you what it is not ready to show, but you can make yourself more open to what is already there."

So, she'd taken Baze's advice that week. 

And she remembered. 

The first night they officially met was three weeks after she'd first seen him across the room at her first gala. Her mother was standing by Senator Amidala, listening as the woman was detailing her desires for getting both Jedi and Senate on board with pushing forward sanctions against planets outside the Republic still practicing slavery. Her mother was good at those kinds of big initiatives, that burning fire in her was good for pushing hesitant people towards doing the right thing. Jyn was better at nudging forward smaller pursuits, and her night had been dominated by soothing the egos of Jedi and ideologically neutering some of the more distasteful opinions of some of the more distasteful Senators before they could spread their noxious tendrils and set into the culture. 

She saw Cassian all night, but only from a distance, just like all the other times they'd seen each other in the halls of the Senate and during other political events. But Amidala had given him that night off from her, telling him to enjoy the festivities. He'd spent the night surrounded by the children of Senators and the occasional rebellious Jedi. And how could he not be? He was dashing enough in his crimson and blue guard uniform, he was positively arresting in a deep blue formal suit. And from what she had heard from the fringes of gossip Jax would bring back, he was charming and sweet. Everything a young captain should be, her friend concluded, running a finger down one of her lekkus as she spoke. And he was smart, and of course Jax had already sidestepped official mediating to talk to him. 

"You're going to get fired, one of these days," Jyn told her Togruta friend. 

Jax merely shrugged. "They're going to have to get a few more nonhumans before they even think of firing me." 

Jyn let out a genuine laugh, the first of the evening. It had been a long night, and it was thankfully almost over. She leaned back against the wall and rubbed her eyes with a hand. She looked up when Jax squeaked and nearly choked on her own surprise. For all her bravery in keeping Senator Tarkin away from corruptible Senators all night, she wasn't quite brave enough to handle Captain Andor in all his charm. And yet, there he was, his clothes slightly crumpled from a night of mingling and wearing a warm smile. "Hello, miss. I don't believe we've met."

Jax quietly excused herself, winking at her as she went back out into the rapidly emptying ballroom. Jyn silently cursed at her friend, but kept the placid smile she'd worn most the night. "No, Captain Andor, I don't believe we have." 

He took a step closer to where she stood leaning against the wall. And when faced with those warm eyes, it was easy to see why so many of the Senators' children found themselves giggling like schoolchildren around him. "Well, Miss," he said casually. "It would seem you have the advantage here."

And her cheeks flushed, and she wanted to sink into the wall behind her. "No—I mean, I've seen you around," and she felt her face grow somehow warmer. Her mother would be so embarrassed the daughter she personally trained couldn't handle a pretty boy. "I mean, I'm Jyn Erso."

His eyes widened a fraction in surprise at her name, his eyes flicking to where her mother chatted with his Senator. Then the band started their last song of the night, a slow but happy tune. He held out one hand, looking for all the world like a prince out of one the childhood stories her father had read her. And she was so tired, but she hadn't danced with a competent partner all evening. She hadn't known at the time, so she grabbed his hand. 

And then she fell, crumpling into him. It was the first time she'd felt reality bend around her. And though it wasn't nearly as nauseating as it would be years later after seeing the padawan Leia, she hadn't been expecting to feel the world swirl around her. He caught her, arms going tight around her to prop her up. For a second they stood chest to chest, their breathing matching each others. She quickly recovered, and gently pushed away from his body, assuring him that she was tired, would he mind terribly if they postponed their dance until they saw each other again? 

It would be a year before she managed to get another chance. 

But that wasn't the point, Jyn reminded herself back in the present. The point was that she knew that touch now. She shivered in her bunk, and she couldn't understand what the Force was trying to tell her. Who meets the man of their dreams, literally, and then has him die in that very same dream? The thoughts swirled around and around in her mind. Eventually, after what felt like hours of trying, she knew she wasn't going to get any sleep that night. 

Quietly she slipped from her bunk, her boots in hand. When her feet softly touched ground, she looked around at the rest of the occupied bunks and sighed when she realized everyone was still asleep. She tiptoed over to the door of the cabin and winced at the door's opening swish. She looked out of the doorway, checking to see that K-2SO wasn't back from the nightly parole Cassian sent him on. When the course was clear, she stepped out into the hall, and cringed when the door shut. 

But still, no one came out after her. 

She bent down and tugged on her boots, taking a second to appreciate the quiet around her. As fond as she was of her new companions, she couldn't say that she didn't miss spending an hour or two with just herself for company, or anyone else's for that matter. Without the constant chatter of droids and the languages of a dozen worlds, there was nothing but the gentle buzz of the ship around her. It was nice. She stood up and sighed. At least she'd be getting this out of her newfound insomnia. 

She made her way down the dimly-lit hallways. It was strange to be out during the ship's night. The normally harsh, metallic gray walls almost seemed warm in the floor light's glow. She yawned and stretched, making her way down to the main corridor that connected the sleeping corridors to the dining and recreation rooms. And as she walked, she kept turning over her revelation in her mind. Cassian was in her dream, but Cassian didn't have dreams himself. He was paid to be here, but how could he be in her mind if he was only paid to be here. 

Jyn was so enraptured by her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed the mumbled voices drifting down the hallway, and she definitely didn't pay any attention to when they grew louder as she entered the dining hall. The only thing that drew her out of her mind was the bright light of the room. It was kept fully illuminated constantly for those who couldn't adjust to the ship's time and for those whose eating habits were later than the majority of the passengers'. She squinted and waited for her eyes to adjust before starting to cross the room to get to doors leading to the stargazing gallery. 

She didn't stop until she was halfway across the room. It was then that she finally noticed the voices, and then the movement in the corner of her eye. 

“Well, Elian, for once your midnight cravings might have done us some good.”

She pivoted towards the sound and grimaced at the sight and the Hapan and his human companion who had been harassing her all week. They were lounging on a bench near her, a platter of fruit between them. She took a deep breath and walked away. As much as she'd like a fight with them, she figured Cassian might be more than a little angry at her for doing so. But the paid didn't seem to appreciate her pacifism at the moment.

They were up the second her back was turned to them. "Where are you going?" the human said from behind her. "Me and my pal Eliath here just want to get to know you a bit better."

The Hapan, Eliath, slid in front of her, blocking her path. She had to admit that he was beautiful. Even among the many, many handsome members of his race that she'd met, he stood out as stunning. Then he spoke.

"We were just talking about how we got off on the bad foot, weren't we Killian?" the Hapan said with an oily smile. She stopped short of the man and kept her breathing slow and even, only moving to take a step backwards when the Hapan reached his hand forward to touch her face. She was determined not to let them get to her. She'd dealt with men like them before, those who felt she was theirs because she was there. Admittedly, usually she'd faced them in a room full of Jedi and Senators and not on her own in the middle of the night. 

"Well," said the human, Killian, his voice dripping with a kind of smugness that reeked of entitlement. "At least your little attack dog and us did."

The Hapan took another step towards her, "He has been rather selfish in keeping you all to himself...Or maybe he's got a deal with the rest of the men in your cabin?"

They laughed, and it took her a second for her to realize they were talking about Cassian. When it clicked, her nostrils flared and it took all her self-control to keep from punching them both. She turned to the side so her back was no longer towards either of them. Eliath came closer still. "We haven't had the pleasure of really getting to know you," he said."

She drew herself taller and eyed them both. "And you still won't," she said steely. "Please excuse me."

She tried to maneuver her way past them, walking backwards aiming for the hallway that led to the sleeping quarters. She bumped into a table. Her heart sped up, and she held her hands up in what looked like a placating motion. "Do not come near me," she hissed.

Killian just laughed and made a move towards her, one hand outstretched. She wasn't in the mood to figure out where he aimed to put it. The second he was in reach, she took one deep breath, grabbed his wrist, and exhaled as she pulled him towards her. While he stumbled, she pulled her other hand back, made a fist and broke his nose. She grinned viciously when she heard the satisfying crack, but didn't stay to check out the damage. She dodged his bent-over form and made a move to get out of the room, back to her bunk.

Unfortunately for her, the Hapan was still upright. He threw something at her head as she bolted. Maybe a shoe, Jyn thought, as she tumbled to the ground. She fell forward, breaking he fall with her forearms. Ignoring the stinging jolt it sent down her body, she pushed herself up, though not quickly enough to get away. She grunted when she felt the Hapan grip her from behind, one hand on her throat and the other tight around her waist. "Well," he hissed into her ear. "Aren't we the fun one?"

She had one hand on his, pulling it down away from her throat and keeping him from lifting her up. He made a move to sniff her neck, and she shivered. Lifting her foot, she scraped the heel of her boot down his shin, and slammed down onto his foot. He let out a shout in pain, and loosed his grip on her. She pulled forward, pausing in her escape only to bring her elbow back and sharply to his temple. He tumbled back to the ground and she bolted. 

She didn't know if they'd be coming out after her. The Hapan would be useless in the low light of the hallway, and his companion would likely have bigger problems regarding his nose than pursuing her, though she knew better than to underestimate the petty vengeance of an angry man. Jyn spared a thought as she ran to regret that she hadn't taken the time to kick him in the groin. She arrived at the entrance of the hallway, and ran unceremoniously into a hunk of metal. She flipped onto the floor and groaned, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu at the sight of K-2SO gazing down expressionlessly at her.

"Jyn Erso," he said with what maybe was surprise. "This is not the best use of your rest time."

"You're telling me," she muttered. Jyn rolled over, pushing herself up on her hands and needs and immediately wanted to retch. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she recognized she may have just given herself a concussion and she wanted to kick herself. The back of her head and neck felt damp, rolls of sweat rolling down to her front. It was nothing a little bacta couldn't fix, though she wasn't sure how she'd explain her need for one to Cassian without letting him on to the events of the night. 

Slowly, carefully, she got herself to her knees while K-2 watched with equal parts of indifference and vague concern. There was the sound of footsteps in the hallway, and Jyn saw the human glaring down at her. In the dim lights of the hall, his bloodied face looked positively frightening, though she couldn't quite get herself to care from where she stood leaning against the side of the hall. K-2SO's eyes flicked at the sight of the man, and the droid was in front of her in a second. 

"Would you like me to detain this man?" K-2SO said.

Jyn tried to shake her head, but gave up the motion when she realized it accelerated the need to vomit and that the droid couldn't see her action. "No, just...keep him away." 

Fortunately, Killian didn't feel the need to come after her when faced with a 7-foot-tall battle droid. He turned furiously and headed back to the dining hall.

The droid turned to her, "Would you like to know the likelihood that he will come back? It's very."

Jyn shrugged. She figured she'd probably have to confront him later. But for tonight she just wanted to sleep. It was then that she realized that the wetness at the back of her neck was only getting worse. She reached behind to touch the wet spot and hissed as her fingers touched a small split on the skin of her skull. When she drew her hand back, her fingers were dyed red. 

"You're bleeding," the droid said with something that approximated concern. "I will get Cassian to take you to the medical bay."

"No!" she shouted as he turned to leave. She froze, hoping that she hadn't woken anyone up. When no one came out of their room to yell she continued. "He... he doesn't need to know."

The droid looked imperiously down at her. "That is not wise," K-2SO said. "You appear to have a concussion, and you are bleeding from your head. Cassian is smart, he's bound to notice these things. He also should know the risks involved in watching you."

Jyn didn't miss that his concern was primarily for Cassian and not for herself, which she found strangely endearing. Still, she refused. Not only would her attackers likely already be in the medical bay, but she couldn't quite conjure up the courage to face her bodyguard's likely anger over the fact she'd snuck out in the dead of night. But the droid was already walking back to their quarters. "Look, I promise it's not that big of a deal, it's not even anything that bad."

The droid stopped and looked her up and down from where she still stood against the wall. "You are wrong," the droid said.

Jyn started to hobble along, trying to stop the world from spinning away from her. "Look," she called after him. "I promise that I won't call my parents, if that's what you're worried about. His pay won't be cut or anything like that."

That got the droid to stop, though now they were halfway to her cabin. He tilted his head, "Pay?"

She stumbled a bit, and the droid came over to her side and picked her up. And she wanted to protest, but her head was still spinning. Again, she couldn't believe she'd managed to get away from two men twice her size with a scratch, only to giver herself a concussion by ramming into this stupid droid. He tore a bit of fabric off the sleeve of her brown tunic and pressed it to the bleeding at her head's back. 

"Yes, the pay my parents are giving him to be here," she said testily. "I promise it won't get cut because I got a little roughed up."

The droid stopped and looked down at her. "Cassian is not receiving payment for his services on this journey."

“I’m sorry. What—“ 

"Oh, look, it's Cassian," the droid interrupted. She turned slightly and saw that, indeed, the subject of their conversation was fuming his way down the hallway. Behind him was Baze and Chirrut, who were in turn followed by Bohdi, who looked like he was blinking himself awake. By Jun's reckoning, they were still a while away from the ship's day.

"Kay!" Cassian said loudly. She flinched and hoped no one would come out to yell at him, she really didn't think she could handle anyone else seeing her being carried like a child in the droid's arms. "Jyn is missing, have you seen..."

He came to an abrupt stop and his voice trailed off when his droid motioned to her cradled in his arms. "In fact, I have seen Jyn."

She looked over at Cassian, who was already closing in near her. He held out his arms and the droid unceremoniously deposited her into his master's arms. The piece of cloth that the droid had been using to stop her bleeding feel to the floor. Jyn groaned, more out of sheer embarrassment than any real pain. 

"Where have you been?" Cassian demanded. But much of the fury in his voice was damped down by a heavy dosing of concern. 

She shrugged, and tried her best not to curl too much into his arms."For a walk."

"Without letting anyone know?" and this time it was Baze who spoke. The Guardians and Bohdi were forming a circle around her now. 

She turned her head, a little too quickly, and quietly said, "You were all asleep."

Bohdi came forward, and she didn't think she was imagining the way Cassian's arms tightened around her. "Shouldn't we take her to the med bay?" he said.

"She is bleeding," K-2SO helpfully supplied from his end of the circle. Jyn tried to shake her head, and found it was a little difficult for her to explain why.

"We have some bacta in our packs," Chirrut helpfully supplied. And he reached out a hand, which she grabbed in return. She didn't know how he knew she wasn't in the mood to join the men she'd beat up in the medical bay, but she was grateful. Cassian looked like he was ready to object, but Baze chimed in.

"We're closer to our room anyways, and I think the faster we can get that cut closed up, the better it'll be for her," the larger Guardian said. 

Cassian didn't argue after that, only turned and carried her back to the room. Cassian was furiously, quietly, demanding answers from K-2SO about what happened, and the droid was loudly answering back that Jyn had been an idiot. She was placed down on someone's bed, and she was fairly certain that she'd said something pithy back to him, though she couldn't remember what. Baze pressed a bacta pack to her skull, and Chirrut helped her lie down, her head resting on his lap as he massaged the goop into her scalp. For the next few hours, all she could really remember was a nauseating swirl of color and a cacophony of noise. 

Eventually, the world came back into focus. The room was empty, save the person with his fingers still running through her hair. She turned up to talk to Chirrut, and let out a squeak when she realized it was Cassian. 

He turned to look down look at her, a tight smile on his face. "You've been out of it for a bit," he said in lieu of a greeting. "We had a medical droid stop by, and they said you had a slight concussion, though the bleeding made it seem worse than it was."

She bit her lip, and didn't move. Cassian's fingers still moved through her hair. She worried saying anything would make him move away. But after a few moments of silence and Cassian still keeping her close, she figured she'd risk speaking. "Where did everyone else go?"

Cassian looked up around the room. "They went to get breakfast. Bohdi said they'd smuggle you back some mush," he said with a tight smile she wasn't quite sure how to interpret. "Kay went out to see if he could find the man who attacked you last night."

She closed her eyes, the feeling of his hands lulling her back to sleep. "He should check the med bay," she said quietly. "It was two creeps who've been hovering around us all week. They only came after me because they thought I couldn't hold my own."

She felt Cassian tensed beneath her, and she pressed on. "They don't strike me as the type who'd go looking for a confrontation with me again. Especially if any of you are around."

"If we are around," Cassian said pointedly. 

She winced at that, and drew herself up from his lap. They were on Bohdi's bed, sitting close. Her hand moved to cover his, and she saw him take a deep breath. "I can look after myself, you know?" Jyn said quietly. "I got out of there fine."

He lifted an eyebrow and huffed, "Perhaps. But that doesn't change that my job is to keep you from always having to watch out for yourself."

At the mention of the job, she drew back a bit, though her hand remained on his. She thought back to what his droid had said and frowned. "Cassian," and she hesitated to continue. "Why are you here?"

He blinked and slowly moved his hand away from hers. His eyes dimmed, "I—You're parents..." He swallowed and looked away. "I am here to protect you."

She shook her head, "But...Kay said you aren't being paid." Cassian tensed again. "So, why are you here?"

He didn't look at her. She leaned forward and took his hand again. "Cassian..." He wasn't being paid, but her passage onto this journey to Jedha guaranteed him a place on the pilgrim's shuttle. And then she remembered his discomfort with their dreams and she could hardly breath. He looked up at her, eyes pleading and soft and she for a moment she couldn’t think at all. Not with him looking at her like that.

“Have you…have you had dreams too?”

He let out a sigh, but otherwise he was silent. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall lining the bunk. He ran his hand over his face before he spoke. 

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, all of Jyn's fight moves, especially the "hit someone quickly and then gtfo" and "break your fall with your forearms, not your hands" and the way she breaks out of the douche's hold, are 100% sound self-defense advice I've gotten from a few different classes over the years. 
> 
> Also, shout out to "It Happened One Night" and "Anastasia" for reminding me of my fav. trope "I was offered many moneys to protect you but I turned it down for ~*~*love*~*~"
> 
> Also, poor Cassian. Yeah, he's been having dreams too but also Jyn is an oblivious dummy. I love her. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a week since I updated. I've been busy with grad school applications and job applications and protesting the rise of fascism in my country for the last little bit and things have kind of gotten away from me. 
> 
> But thanks again for all your lovely comments! It makes me so happy to read them!

For a moment, neither Jyn or Cassian moved. Cassian stayed leaning back on the end of the bunk looking at the rest of the room, his shoulders sagging. Jyn loosely clutched at her pant legs, eyes wide and slightly shaking. She couldn't fathom why he looked so dejected, why he hadn't brought up that he'd been having dreams too, why he was accompanying her to Jedha. Why, why, why? Her mind swirled the questions together until they became a single high-pitched, pounding query repeating louder and louder in her head. 

Her thoughts were so loud that she couldn't hear her breathing increase, didn't notice her fingers tighten around the fabric of her clothing and dig into her legs. Nothing penetrated the circle of "whys" in her mind. Nothing except for the pressure of a hand on hers, and Cassian speaking her name softly.

"Jyn..."

She looked up, surprised to see Cassian had moved from the edge of the bed to right net to her. Reaching over, her gently pulled her fingers away from where they dug into her skin. He didn't let them go. She didn't pull away. 

He wasn't looking at her face though. His gaze was focused on where their hands were joined, where his thumb gently brushed over her knuckles. And she felt like she couldn't breathe again for an entirely different reason. And she was reminded of her fondest dreams, the ones that weren't clouded by a burning light and pain. In those dreams, each and every brief conversation they had at galas and conferences that was cut off because he was on duty and she had to soothe someone's ego was continued uninterrupted. And instead of learning about him through gossip and news reports in the halls of the Senate, he told her every thing about him. And when they were this close, and he was looking at her with that soft gaze, she'd lean in and close the gap between their lips. 

But those were dreams. Here, in real life, he was being too soft. Her thoughts were too loud. It was too quiet in the room. So, Jyn pulled her hands out of his and spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. He still didn't meet her eyes. "Why haven't you said anything? We've been talking about my stupid dreams for a week."

Cassian sighed, and stood up. "It never seemed relevant," he said with his back to her. 

Jyn blinked, momentarily baffled. “Not relev—Cassian," she said. "You having the same kinds of dreams as me is relevant!"

He turned around at that, "They're not the same." And there was a rawness to his voice and in his gaze. She didn't quite understand where it came from, but she felt she understood the feeling behind it. She'd felt alone, too, before she had found someone to tell her that her dreams didn't mean she was crazy. 

She stood up and walked over to him, placing her hand on his arm. "We're being called to. The Force is pushing us to Jedha."

Cassian raised an eyebrow, "I hardly feel it's the Force is making me go anywhere." And everything was quiet again, and they were too close again, but Jyn didn't pull away. When he moved even closer to her, she moved towards him as well.

But then the cabin door slid open. And she and Cassian each took one step apart from one another. Jyn's hand moved towards where her crystal lay under her shirt, and was surprised at how fast her heart was beating underneath it. Cassian moved towards his bunk, reached into his bag, and pulled out his datapad. By the time Bohdi, Baze, and Chirrut walked in with K-2SO close right behind, it felt as if she'd imagined the entire exchange. None seemed to notice the tension she'd felt in the air with Cassian, and the tendrils of it dissipated into the air like it had never happened. She was both disappointed and a little pleased. 

"Did you bring back food?" Cassia asked from his bunk. She wasn't sure what he was typing on his pad. He didn't seem affected at all by their...whatever it was that had just happened. 

Bohdi shot her an apologetic and slightly pained smile when he shook his head. Jyn clutched at her stomach. She hadn't realized how hungry she was.

"We tried to bring you some mush," Baze said. He brushed past her to get to Chirrut's bunk. "But a droid ripped the tray from our hands after someone decided to draw attention to us."

Chirrut stationed himself leaning against the wall by his bunk. "I don't think it's my fault they tripped over my staff. I'm supposed to be the blind one here."

Baze scoffed."Tripped." Jyn caught the tail end of him rolling his eyes as he drew himself back out into the room, Chirrut's bag full of goodies in hand. 

Cassian was standing up again, and moved towards Bohdi. "What do they mean tripped?" She looked over at the pair, and mentally sent her sympathies to Bohdi. Cassian somehow made the scruffy-haven't-slept look good, and she had a feeling her new-found friend found it particularly attractive by the blush spreading across his face. 

"We ran into—" and stopped himself when Baze, who was rummaging through the bag on his partner's bed, let out a slight growl. "We saw the two men who went after Jyn. And Chirrut may have put his staff to their ankles on our way out."

Jyn looked at where the Guardian stood. He beckoned her over. Her first instinct was to recoil and loudly protest that she didn't need him to retaliate on her behalf. But then again, she couldn't help but feel a little touched that he'd have her back after knowing her for so little time. She walked over to Chirrut and put her hands in his, smiling when he gave them a reassuring squeeze.

"Were they hurt?" Cassian asked, addressing his droid.

"Their ankles snapped. I believe they were carted off to the med bay," the droid said. "If I were a medical droid, I would not let them out for at least three days to make sure their concurrent injuries didn't compound outside medical care."

Cassian let out a huff of approval, "Good. I don't want them to come any nearer to us than the other side of the ship."

Jyn took her hands out of Chirrut's and turned to him. "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" 

Cassian leveled one look at her and replied with a solid and unequivocal, "No."

She wanted to follow that up with something along the lines of "they only attacked me because they thought I was an easy target" and "they wouldn't come anywhere near me if any of you were nearby," but was interrupted by Baze. He held the bag out to her and handed her a piece of slightly stale sweet bread. "We don't have a lot leftover because a certain someone here likes to snack, but this should tide you over until they set up for lunch."

She took the bread and mumbled her thanks. She picked at the crumbling and flaking crust of the bread and was delighted that it was still soft underneath. She sat down on the floor by Baze and started to eat, keeping her eyes on Cassian. She put their moment to the side, forcing herself to focus on what he told her. Separated from the moment and with a little bit of food to fortify her, she wasn't as overwhelmed at learning her supposed random bodyguard and man she dreamt of at night was having the same kinds of Force dreams that were leading to her Jedha. She just couldn't understand it.

Chirrut tapped her leg gently with his staff. "What's the matter, Jyn?"

She popped another piece of the bread in her mouth, hoping that by the time she finished chewing she'd have something to say. As much as she wanted answers, she didn't think Cassian would be all too pleased if she told. If he hadn't spoken up until now, he must have a reason.

"Chirrut—“ Baze cautioned from behind her. But his partner ignored him. "Jyn?" the Guardian asked again.

She swallowed her food and looked down at the loaf again. She wondered if she took another bite if it would be too obvious she was ignoring the question. But then:

"I've been having dreams too," Cassian said. She thought he'd put up more of a resistance She would've lied for him, if he had wanted her too. But, looking around, the only person who seemed surprised by Cassian's admission was Bohdi, who let out an audible gasp. K-2SO looked over at his master, but for once declined to add anything to the conversation. Baze just shot a glare at his partner.

"You should have let him tell us in his own time," he grumbled. Chirrut shrugged and leaned his head against the cool metal wall. "His own time was going to be never, you know that."

K-2SO did react to that, "You told them? Even after I told you the probability they'd get us killed in our sleep."

Cassian rolled his eyes, "No, and you said the probability was low." He turned towards the Guardians and folded his arms. "How did you know?"

"The Force led us to you," Chirrut said with a grin. "We trust its answers."

Baze was a little more diplomatic with his answer. "It wasn't a hard feeling of knowing. When we ran into Jyn we felt her light, and then when she and Bohdi told us about their dreams... Well, it didn't take us long until we recognized your role in this as well."

Jyn saw Cassian's jaw clench and his shoulders tighten."My role in what?" he said defensively.

Baze shook his head. "We don't know. All we know is that the Force is our guide, and the Force has brought us together."

"I find that highly unlikely," Cassian's droid said. "Of course you do," Jyn muttered. It was a testament to how badly K-2SO wanted to interject his opinion into this discussion about the Force that he ignored her. "The odds the Force could draw four being across the galaxy together, using human dreams, are...large. Astronomical even."

"I think that's the point of the Force," Jyn said. She swallowed the last bit of her meal and turned to the Guardian sitting above her. "Isn't it?"

Chirrut chuckled. "There's no point to the Force," the blind Gurdian said. "It just is."

Jyn blushed at the gentle correction, but Cassian wasn't so easily swayed. "But you just said the Force brought us together. Why would it bring us together if it doesn't have a point?"

Baze leveled a hard stare at him. "I didn't say the Force didn't have a reason behind what it brings about, just that it doesn't have a point."

Before the tensions could rise between the two, Chirrut straightened up and walked over to the captain. "And it's a reason we could try to understand." He held out his hand. Cassian looked at it for a moment before slowly putting he grabbed back. Chirrut led him to the middle of the room, and beckoned everyone to follow. The Guardian sat, pulling Cassian down by him. Bohdi took the spot by Cassian, and Jyn sat next to him. Baze formed the last piece of their small circle. K-2SO stood by the door, muttering something about his calculations always having a point behind them. 

Chirrut turned to where Jyn sat. "May we borrow your crystal, Jyn?" Her hand went up to her chest and tightened around it. She was about to say no, but the Baze leaned over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "We will give it back unharmed, Little Sister. You can trust us."

She looked at him. And she didn't want to let him have her necklace. Her mother had given it to her once they'd decided her dreams were at least partially somewhat caused by the Force. She'd dug past the earrings and bracelets and broaches in her small metal jewelry box until she reached the little clasp that revealed the hidden chamber underneath. And she'd drawn out the kyber crystal. Young as she was, she hadn't understood why the precious jewels and metals of the other pieces of jewelry were worth less than a clouded crystal on a string. But Lyra kissed it, and then draped it over her neck. And she knew it was something special. "To keep you safe," her mother had whispered. "Trust in the Force."

With that last little bit of advice in her thoughts, she slipped it over her head and handed it to Baze, who passed it on to Chirrut. He placed it in the center of their circle and started to chant, softly, "I am one with the Force, the Force is with me."

Baze took a breath and began speaking, his partner's mantra becoming the backdrop for his own speech. "I am one with the Force and the Force is with me," the Guardian began. "The Guardian of the Whills hold this at our core, and it is this core that leads us through our trials. We do not ask its purpose, but use it to guide ours. Our temple is not kindness, nor is it an easy answer. It is a conduit for the Force, those who come to our doorstep must find their own way."

Jyn pulled her knees up to her chest, feeling her thoughts cloud over. She kept her gaze on the center of the circle. As Baze spoke and Chirrut chanted, everything else in the room but their voices and the kyber crystal began to fade away. 

"I was born to the Guardian's ranks. My whole life has been dedicated to learning and teaching this. I am there to protect the temple, not to seek answers that will come when they come. Not to guide a misguided soul," Baze continued. He took a deep breath. "However, nineteen years ago, I began to dream. And these dreams were full of the screams and last breaths of the dying and dead. Not of those I knew, but of those whose energies I'd never met." He stopped, and so did Chirrut. Then Baze picked up the fallen chant, "I am one with the Force, the Force is with me."

The crystal seemed to glow in intensity.

"When I joined the Guardians as a boy," Chirrut said. "I knew I was home the day I walked through the temple's doors. The Force pulled me there, the Guardians gave me a place to live and a call to my life. And as I built my family within its ranks, I never once questioned my duty was to stay in the temple and guard the temple. I learned to feel the life forms of others, I began to see in a way a blind, homeless boy like me had never done so before. My life was spent defending and perfecting that skill. But then, nineteen years ago, I began to feel the energies of those I had never encountered."

Jyn felt her chest tighten, and she began to slip into her dream. That blinding light, the feel of someone at her side, the aching and painful feelings surging through her—all the feelings she'd never felt while awake. But also, something more. She heard those gasps and screams of the dying. She felt the energies, and she knew they matched the people sitting by her. And she heard the faint muffled sounds of voices echoing through the blinding void. And she saw her own face in the too-bright light, and that of everyone but Cassian. 

"We found each other early on, long before our minds were drawn to those who we'd never met. We felt the change in each other almost immediately, but knew it wasn't time to leave yet. We had to wait. Then, a year ago, we knew we had to pack to leave to Coruscant, the Force brought us here. And while on the planet, we felt a darker power rising. We found no answers but you."

And Jyn jolted back into the present with a gasp. She was sweating. Looking around, she saw her companions weren't in much of a better state. K-2SO was bent over his master, who was coughing. Bohdi was shivering, a panicked and slighted manic look on his face. Jyn reached and put a hand on his back, hoping to still the tremors. 

"What was that?" Cassian near-screamed. 

Baze grabbed her crystal and handed it to Jyn. "A way to prove we're connected. The dreams are part of a broader whole."

Cassian shook his head, "What?"

Chirrut leaned back on his hands and sighed. Even he was breathing slightly heavier than usual. "It's a meditation technique to help you connect to those bound by creed or other strong ties beyond the self. If we weren't bound by the Force here, we wouldn't have been able to see into each other's thoughts like that."

Bohdi had finally stopped shaking and pushed himself up to his knees. "I thought meditation was supposed to be calming."

Chirrut chuckled. "Now you see why I don't do it." Baze gave him a gentle slap on the leg.

Jyn didn't say anything. As she slipped the crystal back over her head, she thought about the components. The screams were Baze, the Force energies were Chirrut, the voices were Bohdi, the light was her. Which meant the faces were from Cassian's mind. She looked over where he sat, droid propping him up, and glared. 

"How long have you known my face?" she asked.

And Cassian just closed his eyes and looked away. "Cassian," she said, keeping her voice low. "How long have you known my face?"

He looked over at her. "Since I was six years old," he said quietly. And he looked hurt, which made her want to claw his face. Because feeling a little faint around his touch was one thing, she'd always figured it was because she was hopeless when it came to him. It wasn't until the last week she'd known he was part of her dream, she couldn't have known. But he'd known her since he was six. And she looked back at every dance they'd shared, every time he'd stopped her in the hallways of the Senate to chat, and the awkward conversations because she really was head-over-heels hopeless for him. She didn't know now if he was talking to her because he ever enjoyed her company or because she was just a weird phantom face in his mind. She wanted to scream. But instead, she turned toward the Guardians and buried her bubbling anger and embarrassment and silly bruised heart.

"Did that let you know what the reason is behind our dreams?" she said through her teeth. 

"No," Baze answered. "Though I feel like we'll find out soon enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, cat's out of the bag now. Cassian has been seeing faces, the Guardians have been feeling their Force-energy through their dreams, soon the only two in the group who don't know Jyn and Cassian are in lurve will be the idiots themselves. Things are getting going. 
> 
> Next chapter will be up by the weekend *unless my country becomes 1984 for real hahahaha I am so stressed y'all don't know what it's like for my gay ass to see Bannon in the White House rn*
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I got this up during a weekend, so I guess I sort of told the truth. In my defense, my state legislature is awful, and I've been trying to balance yelling at them with an internship I just started. It's all in good fun. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the kind comments, they really do make my day! ♥

Another week passed. Another week and millions of miles of space lay between Jyn and learning the group's dreams were connected. 

It had been awkward, at first. She and Bohdi and Cassian had been tense. Bohdi jumped whenever she got too close, keeping his voice low as he told her he was terrified their group had seen into his head, that it felt too much like someone was breaking his thoughts. Cassian was quieter than he had ever been with her, shrugging off whatever closeness they'd created over the past few days. Only the two Guardians seemed unaffected by their newfound connection. 

But, after that first day, Jyn was surprised how little change came over their group dynamic. After reassuring Bohdi with a soft smile on the star bridge that his mind was his own, they had returned to playing holochess and sighing over Cassian's ridiculous hair. K-2SO continued to radiate contempt for anyone who wasn't his master. The Guardians still split their time between spending time with the rest of the group and meditating with the Force. After a week, they were no closer to figuring out what their visions meant. Though, Jyn had her suspicions that this was likely due to Chirrut's amazing ability to turn any "meditation session" into something far more intimate between him and Baze. They had already had to lay down two rules about when and how long "meditation" could happen for after she and Bohdi had returned from the viewing deck too see Chirrut straddling Baze half-naked. 

She'd laughed at Cassian as he stuttered his way through reprimanding the much older Guardians, who looked entirely nonplussed about the entire affair. He'd sent her a pleading look that had made her laugh harder. She thought that meant that maybe they were going to move beyond whatever awkwardness had poisoned their relationship over the past week, but Cassian had quickly reverted back to an entirely too-pleasant and bland manner at the end.

And, granted, part of the awkwardness was her fault. She'd been so angry when she learned he'd known her face all along and hadn't said anything, especially after he learned about her dreams as well. But that burning fury she'd felt over being lied to slowly smothered itself as the week plowed on, turning into something much more like pain and hurt. Because if he'd known her for years, if they'd been not quite friends, but not quite simple work acquaintances for years, and he'd never made any kind of attempt to find out why she'd been in his mind for decades, she could only conclude there wasn't much behind his feelings for her. She'd had the revelation a few nights after they'd shared their dreams, her mind settling on the idea that his interactions with her hadn't amounted to more than a mild curiosity and the vague friendliness that came from repeated proximity. And, she thought with a bitter smile, that meant his decision to trek halfway across the galaxy with her likely had nothing to do with her per say, and more of a desire to get a free ride to discover why she was in his head in the first place. 

A light touch on her arm and the soft clearing of a throat brought her attention back to the present. Bohdi was, to put it mildly, absolutely destroying her in this game of holochess, more so than usual. After two weeks of playing with and losing to Bohdi, she knew her time on the board was short, and that soon enough she'd have to give up her seat to K-2SO if he ever came back from making his rounds of the ship. Jyn stopped short of moving her piece though. Instead, she opted to sigh over the holochess board and eyed where Cassian stood across the room, arms crossed, watching Baze demonstrate some kind defensive block. At first she had tried to join him whenever Baze and Chirrut were practicing and teaching some new defense or fighting move. But it had seemed so forced, and he'd tiptoed around her. She'd soon allocated more of her time to being around Bohdi. 

Bohdi tapped the board to bring her focus back again. She shook her head and gestured for a piece to move, grimacing when it was promptly pummeled by two of Bohdi's pieces. She flopped back in her seat and ran a hand over her face as her final piece died. "Sorry I'm not much competition," she muttered. 

He gave her a sympathetic smile. "You're still learning," he said. He reached below the board to start calibrating a reset. "And if it's any consolation, I think there's a reason you're not in top form today." 

"Am I ever in top form in this game?" she said, trying to ward off the feelings-laden conversation heading her way. Bohdi rolled his eyes, but waited for her talk. She sneaked another glance at Cassian, who was slowly going through the motions of the block and looking annoyingly handsome doing so. "It's just..." she hesitated, and looked around to make sure K-2SO wasn't anywhere near them before she continued. "It's just that I thought, stupidly, that maybe there was something behind him going to Jedha that had something to do with me." Bohdi let out a soft hum in sympathy as she continued. "And I'm angry. Well, not anymore, but I'm just...annoyed and kind of hurt. And I shouldn't be. Because why would he ever tell me about some dream he probably thought he was making out to be more than it was? I thought that way for a while too. And...and I can't even be mad about him not wanting me, because he never did anything that implied he did in the first place." 

She looked over at Bohdi to see him steal a glance of Cassian. She frowned at the expression on her new friend's face, a sort of melancholic wistfulness. "Sorry," she said. "I shouldn't be complaining like I'm the only ones." 

Bohdi rolled his eyes before disappearing under the table again. "Please. At most he makes me weak in the knees. You've had three years for that stupid smile to create real feelings and ruin your life." Then he let out a soft curse as he fiddled with resetting the holochess board. The decades-old boards had been acting more and more erratic over the past week, something her new companion never tired of complaining about. He muttered another curse, this time much more colorful, and it made her laugh. Even with all the heartache of the past two weeks, she was glad she came on this ship and met Bohdi. There was just something about his nervous energy, his sympathetic ear, and wide eyes that made her viciously protective of him. 

"Anyway," Bohdi said, breaking the quiet from under the table. "I still don't think you should write off his feelings yet. For all you know, he might be just as hopeless over you as you are over him." She scoffed and made a move to respond, but stopped when she heard the squeak of slightly creaking metal hinges. She flipped around in her chair and felt her chest squeeze when she saw K-2SO staring impassively at her and Bohdi. She couldn't read the expressionless droid's face half as well as she wanted to. 

"Oh," she said weakly. "You're back just in time." She quickly ceded her seat to the droid, who didn't look away from her as he sat. She bounced from foot to foot, a feeling of rash impatience . Bohdi had finally gotten the board to reset, and slowly came back to his seat. He shot an apologetic glance at her, but she was too nervous to let him know it was okay. "So," her friend said after far too long of everyone staring at one another. "Kay, when did you get back from your rounds?" 

"Approximately two minutes ago," he curtly replied. "Though I think I could infer enough about your conversation to summarize it." He tilted his head as he continued to look at Jyn. Before he could get another word in though, she blurted out, "Please don't tell him. Please."

He didn't say anything, but there must have been something in her voice, in her general expression, that alerted the droid that she meant it. So, instead of offering the now-expected snark he seemed to reserve just for her, he simply nodded and turned to the game Bohdi just powered up. Jyn took that as her cue to leave. Before she could though, K-2SO said her name. She stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder. 

"For what it's worth," he said. "I believe you should take Bohdi's advice." She didn't know what the hell to make of that, so she left. It took all her self-control to walk, not run, to her bunk. The constant flickering of the lights in the hallways wasn't helping calm the rush of thoughts in her mind. She wasn't sure she believed K-2SO had the physical capability to keep anything from Cassian, but she had to trust that he wouldn't tell. Things were bad enough between them right now, with his practiced and distant geniality and her vaguely understood hurt and anger, she didn't want to think of what they'd be like if he found out she'd fallen in love with him. 

It wasn't until she arrived at the cabin, slid the door open and hiked herself up onto her bed that she realized that, for the first time, she'd admitted to herself that her feelings for Cassian reached deeper than she thought. She curled in on herself, trying to remember how to breathe. Her crystal lay heavy on her chest. Jyn's hand shot up to it, pulling it out from under her clothes to run her fingers over. It soothed her, even if it did leave her with a slight twinge of guilt that she hadn't contacted her parents for at least a week. 

She wasn't quite sure how long she lay there, trying to calm down and rationalize what the real worst-case scenario would be if that stupid droid didn't keep his big, stupid robotic mouth shut. But with each pass over the kyber crystal, she felt a little bit more in control, her breathing slowly evening out and—

She woke with a jerk to the sound of the doors sliding open and her name being yelled. She rubbed her eyes and turned over to face the door frame in time to see Cassian tumble in. She tried not to be too pleased that his face was contorted in a strangely satisfying mixture of anger and panic. With a yawn, she pushed herself up and mumbled something that only a truly generous person would consider an actual greeting. He schooled his expression into something more neutral, a kind of practiced annoyance she had seen on some of the bodyguards for some of the more unpredictable Senators. 

"I am more than certain I had made it clear that someone was to walk with you in the hallways at all times," he gritted out from the other side of the room. She wasn't completely awake yet, but she could swear that he was almost bracing himself against the wall. Not nearly coherent enough to try and decipher why he seemed so wounded by her being alone, she opted for the simpler course of action of not thinking about it. 

She huffed, and slipped the crystal back under her shirt. "And I am more than certain that I had made it clear you were overreacting," she said. 

He spluttered. It was quite the sight. "Overreacting? The men who attacked you—"

"Are still roaming the ship, yeah. But, like I told you, they're cowards who won't do anything when anyone else is around," she said. She hopped down from her bunk and stood with her hands on her hips. "I don't need you or Chirrut or Baze or Bohdi or K-2SO to hold my hand when I need to take a nap." 

He took a deep breath and took a step forward. "Jyn, your parents entrusted you to my care. And forgive me if I think that my judgement as a trained bodyguard outranks a girl who hasn't ever wandered from the best-lit areas of Coruscant."

There was a certain steeliness to his voice that she'd never heard before. In that instance, she had a brief flash of this being his default, of that harder and more demanding voice belonging to a Cassian whose life had hardened him beyond recognition. It made her want to flinch and turn away. Instead, she took a step to match his, a leveled her gaze at him. "Just because I'm your free ticket to Jedha doesn't mean you get to dictate my every move." She turned to walk away, ignoring the fury in his 

"Where are you going, Jyn?" And she felt a slight pang of guilt because he sounded so, so tired. But she was so, so angry.

"I'm going to the 'fresher, and unless you need to hold my hand through that too, I'm going alone."

He threw his hands up and walked over to his bunk. She turned and slammed the door to the refresher open. She stripped, and turned the knob to bring water cascading down onto her. She cursed when all she got were a few weak spurts of water. Like everything else on the ship that week, it seemed that even their 'freshers were doomed to break down. She flipped on the sonics, which thankfully were still working. It wasn't as satisfying as standing in a fog of steam, but it allowed her a few minutes to collect her thoughts. She spent a few more minutes in the room, getting dressed, emptying her bladder, and running her fingers through her hair, willing it into some kind of order. 

Eventually, though, she had to come back out into the cabin. She had expected Cassian to have passed his babysitting duties on to another. Instead, he was still lying on his bunk. They made eye contact for a moment, and she hoped this would be where their interactions for the day ended. 

She was wrong.

"Jyn," and his voice sounded wrecked. "Jyn, I'm just trying to keep you safe."

He didn't say anything else, but he did sit up. She didn't move until he rested his face in his hands. When she was sure he wasn't watching, she gingerly made her way to his bunk and sat down as far from him as she could. She wasn't entirely sure how welcome he would find her presence. But when he looked up at her, he didn't seem outraged she was so near.

“I—I do,” he looked over at her. “I do appreciate you and your work. I know I’m not…the easiest to handle. And I get that you’re worried.” He moved to say something, but she held up a hand. She wasn't ever going to get this out if she didn't get it out then. “But, you don’t—you don’t need to go above and beyond. The only danger here is those creeps and, like I said, they’re not coming anywhere near me when there’s the chance someone else is around. You can just…coast till Jedha.” 

She gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. It faltered at his confused and slightly pained expression. 

“Coast?” he said.

She rolled her eyes, unsure why he was still trying to play ignorance here. "Yeah, coast," she said, waving her hands, hoping he'd get she was referencing to all their time together on the ship. "I know...I figured out that you needed a way to get to Jedha, right? Because you want to know why my face has been popping up in her head for decades? You don't need to go overboard on the whole protection detail here, I promise I won't tell my parents."

She was annoyed that he looked almost scandalized now. “Jyn what—“ 

She wouldn't know the end of that sentence. The cabin lurched underneath them, flinging them both off the bed. Her contact with the ground was much less painful than she thought it would be, and it took her a moment to realize it was because Cassian had somehow gotten himself under her to cushion the worst of the fall. She pushed herself up to her feet and then reached down to help Cassian to his. A low creaking sound reverberated throughout the cabin. They looked at each other for a moment as the sound faded into nothingness, but before she could ask what that was, the ship lurched again, throwing them against a wall. Cassian again had his arms around her, hand behind her head to stop it from slamming against the metal. 

For one long moment, she felt like she was in limbo. Cassian stood pressed chest-to-chest with her, looking like he'd just figured something very important out. For her own part, she couldn't quite turn her gaze from his deep brown eyes. Her fingers gripped tighter into the fabric of his shirt, not wanting to let him go. They were both breathing hard, and her mind was reeling from dueling feelings of panic and desire “What—“ she began only to be cut off by a blaring siren. 

And then they were apart. Cassian was moving towards his bunk, reaching into the cubby behind his bead, and pulling out his pack. He moved quickly to everyone else's bags before she even gathered her thoughts to move. He threw hers and Bohdi's at her, throwing his and the Guardians' over his shoulders. 

He lifted a comm from his pocket and pressed a button. "Kay, what's going on?" The room turned a deep red as the comm cackled to life.

"An engine blew, likely damaging the hull of the ship. It's likely it's been faltering all week," came the droid's curt voice. "We are evacuating immediately."

Jyn felt her head spin because evacuations just didn't happen on pilgrim ships. No one attacked them, the ships were well-maintained by wealthy people who wanted the social status of benefiting poor pilgrims. She shifted the bags around her shoulders. 

"Kay, find a pod for us and keep it grounded until we get there," Cassian said with a nod.

"Your odds of making it here in time are low," the droid replied before the comm went dead. Cassian flinched at that and turned to her.

"I think he's trying to tell us that we have a chance of making it," he said with a smile. She liked to think it was right then that she'd finally understood how someone so young became the head of security for one of the galaxy's most prominent and oft-targeted senators. The blaring of the siren and blood-red of the room didn't seem so intimidating with him. He walked over to her and grabbed her wrist, leading her to the doors. The sliding doors struggled to open, and Jyn's mind briefly filled with horrific images of being cut off from even trying to evacuate, before revealing the hallway beyond.

It was packed with beings running to the escape pods located in an area somewhere beyond the star-gazing deck. Cassian put his arm around her and pushed her into the fray, slipping into the crowd right behind her. He had one hand gripped tightly on her shoulder and the other on his comm, yelling orders at his droid and the rest of their group. It was slow going, hundreds were filing their way into one area of the ship. Still, it seemed as if they were beating the worst of the rush, and within fifteen minutes she was staring out at the emptiness of space while droids tried to force order onto the crowd streaming its way into a room beyond. 

So many people were bumping up against her, pulling and tugging at her clothing and body, that at first she didn't notice the hand tightening around her wrist. But then she was being jerked out of Cassian's grip, pulled into the arms of someone else. She was wrenched free of the stream of people, away from Cassian, and was shoved up against a wall. It took her a moment to focus in the general chaos of the moment, but when she finally recognized the pair holding her, she let out a loud groan. 

"Well, well. Look who's finally out without her dogs," the human said. A part of her was proud that she had forgotten their names already. 

His companion pressed his hand tighter against his throat. "I do believe we had a little bit of business to finish."

If she could breath, she'd laugh. She wasn't entirely sure if they remembered how their business was going for them the last time they had cornered her. He leaned forward and she brought her foot down on his. He howled, moving away from her. Before they could close in on her again, Cassian was there at her side. She rubbed her throat, and glared at the men, who were already backing away now that she wasn't alone. 

"Leave," Cassian managed to say behind gritted teeth. She hadn't ever seen him this furious. 

Cassian placed himself between her and the men. Jyn wanted to scream. Not only was this fight patently unnecessary, she was more than a little worried that they'd be stranded on a failing ship. Instead of moving along like any sensible being would, the pair grinned, and moved towards them. Cassian stood firm. "Well, I have to hand it to you, darling," the Hapan said to her. "You certainly couldn't have chosen a better dog."

Jyn frowned, wondering why they seemed so pleased. And then she saw the glint of a metallic blade. In the light of the siren it looked blood-soaked, and that was before the Hapan plunged it into Cassian's stomach. Jyn wasn’t entirely sure what happened immediately after that. When her thoughts came back to her, her wrist was sore and the two men were unconscious at her feet. The hurried panic swirled around her, but her focus was all for a now bleeding and coughing Cassian. 

Counting on a droid or a more forgiving passerby to help the pair, she bent down to Cassian. His hand was pressed on his the wound on his abdomen, and she couldn't tell how bad the damage was from this angle. She'd have to get him to a med bay, or somewhere vaguely quiet where she could drown the wound in bacta. She looked over at the sea of beings streaming towards the door, and bit her lip. This wasn't going to be fun. 

Jyn threw Bohdi's, Chirrut's, and her pack away before sliding the Baze's and Cassian's around her, praying that these would have the most practical supplies. Then, she slipped her arm under Cassian's and started to pull him to his feet. He groaned and shook his head. “No time. Get to Kay and the pod.”

She paused before entering into the stream of people, realizing he was telling her to leave him behind. She smacked him with her free hand. He groaned out her name.

"You. Will. Shut. Up." She elbowed her way into the fray, shoving back whenever someone tried to bulldoze them over. Cassian seemed to have gotten it through his head that she wasn't going to let him martyr himself and was trying to support as much of his weight as he could. After what felt like an eternity, they were into the hanger. Most of the pods were either gone or the scene of some intense fighting over the space left. She scanned the room until she saw the ship guarded by an imperious droid and two hardened Guardians. She prayed that meant Bohdi was already inside. 

It took her a few minutes, but she and the now barely-conscious Cassian made it to their group. K-2SO didn't say anything as she maneuvered his master into his arms. He didn't even shoot her an insult about being careless, which made her more worried than the wound itself had. The two Guardians made a move towards the small ship, motioning her to follow. 

Jyn looked back around the hanger, eyes moving from one scene of chaos to another, before her eyes settled on a human mother cradling her child standing still and lost in the crowd. She looked back at Baze, who was yelling at her to get on board already. With a curse at herself, she ran towards the pair, pulling them stumbling along with her. When they got to the small ship, Baze was menacing a group who apparently had tried to sneak aboard. He glared at her, but didn't say anything when Jyn and the pair she had pulled from the crowd ran up the ramp. With a final shove at the interlopers, he moved inside and the ramp closed quickly behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine K-2 is kind of physically incapable of holding secrets from Cassian, and if the actual ship hadn't died, the man would have known that his pining was completely unnecessary that very night. But alas, I am the writer and I say why not have MORE unnecessary angst.
> 
> And if a ship breaking down in space so this group can land on a planet where they can get answers about their weird dreams seems like a bit of a contrived coincidence I just have to say "a bit of a contrived coincidence" is kind of Star Wars' m.o. 
> 
> As always, my knowledge of grammar and Star Wars lore is limited, and I appreciate corrections to both. When I finish the story, I plan on going back and doing a massive copy-edit to clean things up, and I'll factor your feedback in then.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry this update is so late. I recently got into grad school and I've been busy trying to sort out...my life this past week. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint.
> 
> As always, thank you for your comments and to everyone who keeps reading this work. ♥

The escape pod was not made for a large droid, six adults, and a child. A door to a cabinet that wouldn't quite shut dug into Jyn's spine where she was crowded against the wall with the mother and daughter she had pulled from the pilgrimage ship. Baze was half-sprawled into the cockpit, where he was shouting with Bohdi about something over the din of the outdated engine. She couldn't hear what it was from where she was. They'd be lucky if they made it to a habitable planet or moon, lucky if their names weren't broadcast across the galaxy as tragically dead pilgrims.

All of this should have been in the forefront of her mind, would have been her top priority, in any other scenario. But she wasn't thinking about the claustrophobic press of bodies against her or the racket of the pod or the slight whiff of leaking gas permeating the air. Because draped across three chairs across from her, barely conscious and bleeding out, was Cassian. 

K-2SO knelt next to him, trying to keep him conscious while Chirrut inched his way around the cabin space, searching for anything that even vaguely resembled a bacta patch. With every cabinet that turned up empty, she had a little more trouble breathing.

Cassian's face was sallow, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open as he tried to focus on his droid. He winced when the droid pressed down on his abdomen in an attempt to stanch the flow of blood. In the dim light of the pod, it looked like a swell of black ink was dripping down onto the floor. Jyn lifted her hand and placed it on her lower abdomen where his wound was. 

It hadn't seemed like that deep of a cut, she thought. It had happened so fast, from their argument in their cabin to her dragging him to the escape pod because he had been stupid enough to get stabbed. 

Chirrut moved behind her, hand moving carefully along the cabinets along the wall to find the handle to the next door. The mother and daughter took a step back, trying to shrink even further away from them. Jyn took a step forward, and then another.

She hadn't meant to go to his side. But by the time she realized she had moved, she was already next to him, kneeling next to him and his droid. K-2SO looked at her, with a look as close to human pity and grief as possible, and reached over his master to grab Jyn's free hand. She jumped at the contact, but allowed him to take her hand and placed it on Cassian's abdomen.

"Press here, and don't let up," K-2SO said. For a moment, Jyn didn't move as Cassian's blood coated her hand. The droid stooped down, grabbed her arm, and pressed for her. "We will save him."

With that he left, maybe to help Chirrut find a bacta patch, maybe to find something to stop the bleeding another way, maybe to grieve. Jyn didn't know, she couldn't bring herself to care. She just pushed down on Cassian's wound, now with both hands, willing his blood to stay in him. 

"Jyn," he said. His voice was so weak it was barely audible over the engine. 

"You don't get to die," she hissed in response.

He laughed, and then grimaced. "I don't think I get to make that decision." 

She pressed down on his wound a little harder, taking a perverse kind of satisfaction at the gasp of pain he let out.

"It wasn't part of your stupid job to get stabbed," she said after a moment of quiet. 

"I'm your bodyg—" he began. 

"You can't be my stupid bodyguard if you are dead," she shot back. She shifted a bit, causing the blood to smear a bit further up her arm. The warmth of it shocked awake some part of her brain that had classified the past day as not quite real. She felt her eyes begin to sting,but she did not cry.

"Jyn," he said again. She didn't like the way he was saying her name, like it was the last time he was going to be able to say it. He moved one of his hands slowly to cover where hers pressed on his abdomen. She let out a whimper she hadn't known she was holding. She bent down and kissed his hand.

"Please don't die," she whispered. She drew herself up, trying to resist the urge to wipe off the blood smeared across her face. Cassian wasn't responding, though his eyes were still open and his chest still moving. She was so focused on studying his every movement that it took her a moment to register the soft touch on her shoulder. 

She slowly looked away from Cassian's eyes to find the child standing behind her, a small pack in her hands. The little girl said something in a language Jyn vaguely remembered hearing on Coruscant but couldn't place. When she didn't automatically grab the pack the girl shoved it closer to her. Jyn grabbed it almost absentmindedly and gasped as her fingers brushed against the young girl's. It wasn't the strongest sensation she'd had at first touch, but she had the strongest sensation of an arid, cold desert and the sound of bombs. 

The child scrambled back to where she huddled against the wall with her mother. Jyn looked down at the pack, her eyes widening when she realized it was bacta. Within an instant, the droid had stomped his way back over to his master. He pushed at Jyn and grabbed the pack from her hands. She tried to protest, but was cut short by "I have actual experience in medicine, do you?"

She stumbled back over to the other side of the pod. She didn't look back at Cassian. Instead she leaned back on the wall, ignoring the handles of cabinets digging into her spine, and looked at her hands. His blood was quickly cooling on her skin, a few drops of it rolling from her fingertips onto the floor below. Her vision swam. She had never been squeamish at the sight of blood, but this was just so much and so much from Cassian. 

She wasn't sure how long she stood there before Chirrut made his way to her side. He firmly gripped one of her wrists. He had a rag in his hand. It's part of one of the packs, she dimly thought as he started to wipe off the blood.

"We think he'll be alright," Chirrut said. "Baze and Bohdi say we'll be landing soon, and we can look for more treatment once we're on the ground."

Relief flooded through her body, though she couldn't bring herself to look over at Cassian. "Are we at Jedha then?"

Chirrut shook his head. "The ship must have been malfunctioning long before it failed. We're at Takodana." Jyn frowned as Chirrut continued to wipe the blood off her hands. She had never particularly excelled at memorizing the galaxy map. Chirrut must have sensed her confusion. "It's in the same region, but we're nowhere near the right sector."

She leaned back against the pod's wall and sighed. Her limbs felt twice as heavy as they had a few minutes before and she could hardly keep her eyes open. "All this and we're not even at Jedha," she said.

Chirrut took the rag away from her now-mostly clean hands. He threw it into an empty corner and shrugged. "All is as the Force wills it."

Jyn reached up and felt the lump of her kyber crystal under her shirt and said under her breath "Don't you ever wish you knew why it willed what it did?"   
____________

Despite the escape pod's age, the rattling of its engine, and the fact everyone had to hold on and pray an unexpected gust of wind wouldn't throw them against the ship's walls, the landing wasn't terrible. Bohdi brought them down slowly, gently into the middle of a clearing without so much as causing anyone to receive a slight bruise. Whatever he was being paid at his previous job, Jyn thought, it wasn't enough.

She didn't stay on board to congratulate him though. No one did. With one last glance towards the now-sleeping Cassian and the droid guarding him, she tumbled out with the rest of the crew into the grassy clearing. For a moment, all of the events of the day faded as she took in the gentle sway of the trees in the wind and the warm brush of the sun's rays. She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. 

The inside of the dingy pod seemed worlds away. Or, at least, it did until she opened her eyes and saw the flecks of dried blood under her fingernails and in the creases of her hand. She cursed and fell to the ground and wiped her hands over and over and over again on the grass. Her fingers stained a faint green color, but the blood remained. She cursed and kept rubbing.

She saw Bohdi's shadow before he spoke. "There's a stream over there." He walked in front of her and held his hand out to hers. She looked down at the torn-up ground beneath her fists and slowly put her hand in his. She looked around at the clearing. There was the mother, watching her child play away from the ship. Baze and Chirrut stood next to the ship's entrance, talking in low voices. Baze looked over at her and waved and motioned to Bohdi. She took that to mean she should go with him.

Bohdi dropped her hand and they walked away from the clearing. Jyn tried to focus on the soft gurgle of the stream that was growing louder step-by-step, on the impossibly green surrounding her, on anything really, but found she couldn't. She looked over at Bohdi, who was glancing at her when he thought she wouldn't notice. He seemed as if he wanted to say something, but didn't. She was grateful for it.

When they reached the small stream, she plunged her hands into the cold water. It stung a little, but she welcomed the sharp chill. Using her fingernails, she dug out the last bodily reminders that she had been covered in Cassian's blood and let the water carry it away. Bohdi busied himself by filling a few canteens and didn't say anything until she scrubbed the final fleck away.

When she had finished and her hands were bright red and raw, she sat back on her heels and looked around, though she didn't really see anything. In her mind, all she could see was Cassian bleeding, and all she could hear was Chirrut saying that the Force had willed it to be so. She grit her teeth together. 

"Are you alright?" Bohdi asked quietly. He screwed the lid onto the last canteen he was carrying and placed it behind him. 

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, I'm perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be? We all almost died to land on a planet that's not even in the same system as Jedha. We don't have a way to get to Jedha. And did I mention that we almost died?" Her voice grew louder and louder, until she was almost shouting. "And according to Chirrut this is all part of the Force's master plan." 

She winced when she finished. She hadn't meant to unleash whatever had been building in her on Bohdi. She almost hoped he would turn around and yell at her back. But Bohdi sat there, without a trace of anger in his brown eyes. He bit his lip as he mulled over what to say. After a few minutes of thinking he said, "We're all okay, Jyn."

He scooted closer to her and put a hand on her arm. "Cassian is okay."

She tore her arm away and glared. "Lying unconscious and near-death isn't what I would classify as okay," she shot back. She ran a hand over her face, trying to calm down. Somewhere in her she knew that she wasn't mad at Bohdi, she wasn't even really mad at Chirrut and his faith in the Force. But the tangled knot of emotions in her gut were fighting to get out, and she couldn't figure out how to express it without venom. 

Eventually she opened her eyes and looked at him. "You're not the least but frustrated right now?"

He shrugged, "Of course I am. But...I don't know, Jyn. Maybe Chirrut has a point." He ignored her huff. "Maybe we're meant to be here."

She looked around, dappled sunlight finding its way to light the forest floor and reflect off the stream. A small bird's song reverberating somewhere behind her. 

"That makes no sense," she said. But even she had to acknowledge that there was something about this planet that pulled at that instinctual feeling that had drawn her onto the pilgrimage in the first place. But she didn't want it to. She didn't want to be told by the Force that she was meant to meet certain people or have her feet touch the earth of certain planets. She didn't want to hear the intense faith of the Guardians. She wanted it all to be a dream.

Bohdi raised an eyebrow. "I heard your voice in my mind before I met you. You get vision...ish things when you touch certain people. I don't think the Force has to make sense."

Jyn drew her knees to her chest, "It must have a purpose though. Right?"

Bohdi was quiet for a moment. Then a sly smile spread on Bohdi's face, "Maybe even the Force is tired of seeing you and Cassian dance around each other. This could be the universe itself forcing you together."

She blinked, and all she could do for a moment was stare at him. Then, she let out a laugh. And then another, and another. Soon enough, she couldn't stop. It hadn't been that funny, but she had needed that. She reached over to him and hugged him. 

"Thanks, Bohdi," she whispered. He rubbed her back and pulled away from the hug. "We better get back to the ship. Baze and Chirrut want us to find the nearest town before night fall."

Jyn nodded and stood up to follow him. On the way back she began thinking of a reason why she should be allowed to stay back with the ship while the rest went to look for the town. Not because she wanted to be the first person Cassian saw when he woke up. Definitely not. 

But, as it turned out, she needn't have bothered with finding an argument. Chirrut and Baze had already decided it was best if she stayed back with the ship. Something about the mother and child feeling more comfortable with her. Baze would also be staying back to act as the ship's guard. Chirrut, Bohdi, and K-2SO would be leaving.

Jyn stood in the entryway of the ship while her companions left. K-2SO kept looking back at the ship as they walked away, and Jyn tried to reassure him with a wave that Cassian would be alright. The mother and child, and she mentally made a note to ask their names at some point, were still playing outside, and Baze was prowling the edge of the clearing. 

She walked back inside the pod, and walked over to Cassian. He was still deep asleep, but his skin didn't look as sickly as it had when they had landed. Though, that could just be the natural light pouring in from outside replacing the neon glow of the ship's light. She adjusted the packs they had placed under his feet and head and pulled a small box out so she could sit in front of him. 

She leaned up on the seats Cassian was resting on and lay down her head. The last thing she remembered hearing was the steady sound of his breathing and the faint rustling of the wind rustling the trees.   
____________

Hours must have passed. When she woke up, the sun was directly pouring into the inside of the ship. The interior wasn't quite so awful in the afternoon light, she decided. She looked over at Cassian, and jumped when she saw that he was awake.

"I never told you this on the ship, but you snore," Cassian said. 

She rocked back on the box she was sitting on and drew in a deep breath. "You are an idiot," she said quietly.

"Yes, I do recall you letting me know that," he said with a small smile. And, oh, this wasn't fair, she thought. He'd caused her more anxiety in the past day than anyone had in her life. She wanted to be angry, wanted to punch him and shake him until he admitted he'd been stupid. But she couldn't when he was smiling like that.

She tried to think of something eloquent to say, something that would make him feel chagrined and get him to apologize to her for making her worry. But all she could think of was to repeat herself. "You're an idiot,:

He stopped smiling. He reached over to her hand and grasped it. She gripped his hand back, trying not to notice how his grasp on her was so very weak. "Jyn," he said softly.

And it was when he said her name like that, like he was in awe that he got to say it again, that she finally began to cry in earnest. It took her a while to stop, and Cassian didn't push her to stop. He just sat there, running his thumb slowly over her knuckles. 

Eventually, she got her breathing under control and she wasn't crying so hard that she couldn't see. While she used her free hand to wipe away her tears, Cassian turned and looked up at the ceiling. For a moment, he was so quiet she thought he had fallen asleep. But then he slowly opened his eyes again. 

"I never told you that you snore," he said.

"Yes, you already said that. Just how much blood did you lose?" she teased. He didn't smile though.

"I never told you a lot of things," he said. She shook her head, not entirely sure if she could handle where this may go. "I- Jyn, do you know why I asked your mother if I could go halfway across the galaxy with you?"

Jyn frowned, this was the first she had heard of him asking her mother, instead of the other way around. Cassian noted her confusion and groaned. "I don't know how I could be more obvious about my feelings. I thought- I don't know what it is exactly that I thought, but I just wanted to be with you."

Her breathing sped up as he gripped her hand tighter. "Cassian-" she began. But he shook his head, and she fell quiet.

"Jyn," he said. "I love you."

For a moment, they were both very still. She was processing his words. He was waiting to see what she would say. And when she didn't respond after a minute, he almost said that she didn't need to feel the same, that it was okay if they pretended this conversation never happened. But, in the end, he didn't need to say anything. She leaned forward and kissed him. 

It wasn't anything that the poets would write sonnets for the ages about, nor was it the best or most exciting kiss she'd ever had. It was a simple, brief press of lips on lips. She didn't move for more, afraid she would hurt him. He didn't press either, afraid she'd pull away. But it was enough, for right then. And in that moment lit by the sun pooling inside the ship, it was perfect.

When she pulled back, they were both grinning. 

"Cassian," she said. He tilted his head towards her. "I'm very glad you didn't die."

She knew that they were still lost on a planet far away from their destination. She knew that Cassian was still far from perfect health. She knew that there was a force outside of herself that she couldn't control shaping these situations. But there, in the afternoon light, holding Cassian's hand, she couldn't be bothered to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to rebelouis, whose comment and the subsequent notification on my phone reminded me that I had the draft of this chapter on my laptop ready for editing. 
> 
> I am aware that Takodana is no where near Jedha and that the way they end up there is slightly contrived. But, hey, it's Star Wars. This whole series is built on slightly contrived coincidences. I promise I mostly know what I'm doing (http://www.swgalaxymap.com/search/).
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as are corrections to my grammar and knowledge of Star Wars lore.


End file.
